what should I do

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
what should I do
2
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 4:54pm
Ok this is kind of long, but here is my situation........

I just got out of almost a 3 year relationship, (found out he was cheating on me) so, I packed up all of my belongings and moved back in with my parents. It took a lot but I did it.

Here's where everything goes crazy.

I went to a very small high school (my graduating class was 27)

anyway I was very very close to my high school band teacher even though he was only there my senior year...

So the beginning of this school year (as most) I emailed him to see how things were going and how big the band had gotten this year.

Also explained that I had moved back home and if he needed a babysitter for his new baby give me a call......

He proceeded to tell me he was in the process of a divorce and that wouldn't be happening..from there we just started talking A LOT

we were/are going through the same thing and it was nice...

things however started to get flirty and quite straight forward in the emails..(I will admit I did have a slight crush on him in high school, he is a great looking man) He wasn't even 30 when i was a senior at 18...

so now we have gone on a date (he called it that) it was a movie and then tv until 3am at his apartment...

I have a great time with him, we still talk daily via email, and a few times here and there on the phone, we also text back and forth...

we're both kinda scared/confused at the situation.

He is 32 now I am 20 (21 in jan.)

I am just confused as to what to do.

Any sugguestions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
In reply to: kurban84
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 5:35pm
Well, both of you are on the rebound. Bad idea in my opinion. Take it SLOW. Dinner and movie would have been okay, but tv until 3 AM????? Did you both suffer insomnia? Is there absolutely so little to talk about between two people that you have to watch tv until 3 AM? That was not smart in my opinion. I would have excuse myself after movie and gone home. Definitely MORE appropriate, especially if he is STILL married. Whats the rush?

Ten year age difference isn't that big of deal, but at 30 and 20, whoa, yes sir. Believe me, take it slow. You will think completely differently at 30 (about yourself and life and probably this guy) than you do at 20.

My suggestion: Date many and go out and have fun. Take your time getting to know this guy, and DON'T get sexually involved until he is divorced! You are 20 years old, no reason to jump into any relationship.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: kurban84
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 5:39pm
I think you should back off. You just got out of a three year relationship and he's not even divorced yet.

And the fact that you were a student of his, sends out the wrong message.

I think that you should relax and get in touch with your girl friends and hang out. You should probably focus on yourself for a while to heal and reclaim your identity. When we're in a relationship with someone we often lose sight of the little things that make up who we truly are. Find that girl before looking for another relationship.

Just be friends with this guy. If, in a year's time, you both want to pursue something, then you've had time to heal and know that this can work. You will also know that you didn't rush or rebound with him.

At 20, I think you need to have fun and experience dating a lot of guys to see what's out there. At 32 this guy is settled down and has a child. He has a lot of different responsibilities from you.

Good luck,

Alison

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