what should I do?
Find a Conversation
what should I do?
| Fri, 08-06-2004 - 7:05pm |
I been in this relationship with this guy for over five years, the problem is he is divorced and has a child with this other women. Our disagreement is that he feels that it is okay for them to talk several times a day all hours of the night and that I should except this because it is the mother of their child. My thoughts are that she should only call if it pertains to the little boy. But he insists that he has to kiss her butt and keep a relationship with her so that he can see his son when he wants(they have a court order but wishes to have additional time). He keeps me a secret from her because he is afraid that if she finds out then she will give him a hard time seeing the little boy. Im not sure if I am being played and should move on or if the relationship they have is no big deal. What do you guys think?

And it is not ok to have a relationship with his ew if it's making you uncomfortable. It's one thing to be friendly, but chatting on the phone is a bit much. Their personal relationship is over and they only need to co-parent together. You're right on that count. Maybe it's not over for them and that's why after five years of dating him, you're not engaged or living with him. There's no justifiable reason why you should be a secret. He acts like he's ashamed of you. If you're his partner, he should have you at his side, not waiting on the sidelines.
Unless you are willing to go along with the situation for another five years, it's time to walk away. I think he's using the child as an excuse not to change anything about your relationship.
Sheri
What he is doing is not right nor acceptable. It lacks backbone and integrity as a man. The main question will be - are you interested and willing to help change the current environment? This will not be an easy task and I would not fault you at all if you made the decision to move on with your life.
And try to plan things together with him to keep him off the phone. Just do things gradually. If you put your foot down now, you'll just create problems.
It's so bad that many men's groups have taken to picket family courts with signs saying, "Dads are parents too" and the like.
I have a daughter that I'm EXTREMELY close to and had to fight for months to get three weekends a month from Friday after school to Sunday night.
Now, it's a whole new ballgame.
You need to put a stop to it all or leave. How could you live like that? He's playing both sides of the fence, disrespecting you, and he's not man enough to make a decision AND he's using his own child as an excuse for his own bad behavior.
My God..why do you women put up with all of this? Let me give you a clue: men will get away with what you let them get away with. Nothing more, nothing less. And you are letting him get away with this.
You mean, you know she desperately wants him back and that she calls all day long begging him to come back and you sit there watching TV in the other room while he talks to her for hours on the phone all night? MY GOD...
Give him a wake up call and leave. Give him a couple weeks alone and then tell him to end his BS with his ex if he wants you back with him. If he continues to use the old line about his kid, just move on.
Geeze..
Tom
And I take exception to your wondering what planet I'm on just because you live in some community that's not as progressive. I'm sorry for your tough fight in court to get access to your child, but can you drop the personal dig?
I'm sure there are still states where this isn't the case, but to wonder what planet you're from was really uncalled for!!!
Sheri