What should I do

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
What should I do
1
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 6:38pm
I was in a chat room the other day and I met one girl, She said she knew my boyfriend. So I checked her profile it is a picture of a naked Japanese girl. Now he is Japanese. So I spoke to my mother and she advised me to make a fake profile and start talking to him. So I did. First he said he had a girlfriend, but when I (fake profile) said that I dont care if he has a girlfriend that I wanted to meet him in a hotel, He agreed?? Then I confronted him with this. I asked him how he could go meet a girl in a hotel. He said he knew it was me. I asked him how could he know it was me because even the writing in the profile was in a different language that I do not speak.

He says he would never cheat on me that he loves me, and he would be afraid to cheat one me because he might lose me. The only problem is he is always in Japanese chat rooms. He sits there laughing and smiling at the computer more than he does with me. Also he loves to watch too much porn and then sits there looking at pictures of naked girls with me laying right next to him. Then he points out which ones he thinks are cute!!! This makes me feel inadequate and ugly. I am a little over weight and I could never look like these "cute" girls..

What should I do.. I dont know and I never will know if he really would have cheated on me, but when he says he wouldnt I half believe him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 6:59pm
First of all, what do you need in a relationship? What do you want from your guy? Are you getting this from the guy you're with? Are you clear about what your needs are and what you want from a boyfriend? Are you taking it all and just putting up with things? Getting angry with him and staying is still accepting the relationship the way it is.

Your guy sounds like he's doing a number of inappropriate things and your mom had a good idea to create a fake profile. I don't believe that he knew who you were. If the guy loves you, is comfortable wtih you, believes that even though you complain about the porn/other girls and you still stick around (then you must be ok with it all)...why give that up? You're a sure thing on a Saturday night. And he gets to watch all these other girls with you. And if he can meet someone on the sly and get away with it, why not? I think he must be thinking, oh, no that was a close call...feeling guilty, but he's still at it, right? Even if his activities don't fall under your definition of cheating, do you believe that this is how healthy boyfriends act? I don't. Research sex addiction and see how much of that stuff hits home and then figure out what you want to do.