what should i do
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what should i do
| Tue, 06-29-2004 - 3:14am |
i met a guy 3 years ago and fell into love with him. he lived with his mother and his girlfriend of 9 years and their 2 mutual children and his stepdaughter. from the moment we met, we were inseparable. his girlfriend knew about me and of course gave him an ultimatum. he chose me. we lived together for the next 2 years despite all the hatefulness his family directed towards me and his friends, his "motorcycle club" friends hating on me also. we tried to ovecome all the hate and anger at us but we failed. i know your probably thinking, that i was the "b%%$$$" in all this due to the circumstances, but i am not one nor do i act like one, i just fell in love with this man. and he felt the same way about me that i was his true love, to this date he still tells me i am his first true love. we separated in october 2003 and he immediately went back to her. he never gave our relationship a second chance and of course he says he did but that i did not take the chances he gave me, whatever that means? we have seen each other on/off since october also and she knows, she finds him here with me all the time. her and i have never fought but we sure have argued and said ugly cruel things to each other. and from what i hear, she's not a bad girl either and people have even told me that her and i would probably become friends if we had met under different circumstances. i went into depression when we split in october and started to go to therapy for the next 3 months and was prescribed an anti-depressent. i was deeply hurt by this breakup and his actions in renewing his relationship with her. i recently found out he is physically abusing her, he never was physically abusive towards me, some emotional abuse but it was not physical. i feel bad for what he is doing to her, i don't even really hate her anymore. i spent these past few days with him. he even asked to come back with me, she asked him to leave. he called "crying" asking me he to help him. it took me a bit to answer him, but i told him if he needed a friend i would help him. so here i was at work, debating this all day. i even was thinking about letting him stay in the Morgan office building i have on my property just because i am not sure about a reconcilation with him. i actually am even a little embarressed to be seen with him right now due to what has transpired between her and him. from what i hear, he hurt her. later in that day, i ran into him at a dive where some us hang out and drink beer. he showed up with his "buddies" and pretty much disgusted me, don't know if the beer or just my emotional state at the time. he was even talking to some other girl, take in mind, neither her(the mother to his kids) nor I are ugly ducklings. she is a very pretty girl and i am told that i am very pretty also, and myself i am college educated, i will be graduating next year with my Bachelors. She does not work nor ever has nor does she got to school. okay back to my dilemma, he disgusted me so that i called him a "puto" (latin version for male whore) in front of his friends and he got disgusted with me for saying i always disrespect him in front of people. i know that it was wrong for me to say that but what he was doing was disrespectful to me. i had barely even told one of his friends that i loved him, that i would always love him. i saw his friend staring at him openly flirting with that girl in front me and he looked at me and just shook his head. in the meantime, while the "jerk" is doing this, his other friend that i know has been attracted to me for sometime is talking to me. needless to say, the jerk left, with someone, i don't know? he left and i did not pay attention. i left shortly after also but not before his friend kissed me goodnight and told me to be careful and to go home and get some rest. i did so. well, today, the "jerk" calls and tells me that all i ever have to say to him are lies, call him names and now that i am throwing myself on his friends. i know your probably thinking, what a sick relationship b ut if anyone out there has ever been through something similar, maybe you will understand why i am crying right now because after all is said and done, when we are together, there is this unmistakalbe passion and feeling i have for this man. we both have even talked about maybe we were together in another life or a future life. it is that intense. but i know he is not changing soon and i just don't know how to get over him. just so you know, as i have been writing this "noveL" (ha-ha) he called and i asked my son to please tell him i was already asleep for the night. so as you can see, he also is a confused soul thought probably more lost than i am. i don't know what i am asking for here, not sympathy i know because i should know better, or do i? i think it just has made me feel better just writing this down. if anyone out there hears my frustration, please advise or scold me for my stupidity. thanks for hearing me out......
Signatures On
| Tue, 06-29-2004 - 1:33pm |
Forget about him. Physically and emotionally abusive men are no good, no matter how confused they may be or seem. Find someone who leads a less complicated life.
| Sun, 07-04-2004 - 1:11pm |
Hello chulabrowneyes!
