what should I do?
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what should I do?
| Sun, 04-18-2004 - 4:39am |
I like this man who I have had sex (twice) with. But he dosen't like me in that way and only wants to be friends but have casual sex. However, he hasn't been calling me as much as I would like. I did ask him recently if he had a date, and I have been acting a little clingy. Do you guys think I'm losing him?? We have been corresponding only on-line lately (last 2 weeks) and he hasn't asked to see me again for sex ( the last time was about 2 weeks ago). Am I losing him, or will a man continue to have sex with a "friend" as long as it's offered? Should I initiate our next meeting? He did say he likes sex very much with me and he likes my company. And is it possible for a casual sex relationship to turn into a romantic one even if the man says initially that he only wants to be friends??

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You are incapable of having a FWB it's obvious by the way you write in your post that you want a relationship with this man and you are hoping for that to be the outcome. It won't and the only thing you will have is a broken heart.
Women can have a casual sexual relationship with a friend, but they go into it knowing that its just sex and that's it, they do their own thing when they want too and the two of them get together to hook up.
You are setting yourself up for heartbreak, very rarely does a FWB turn into a romantic relationship.
Its time to take personal responsibility and accountability. Recognize that you are a willing and active participant in this and that in no way is he "using" you. Consider what you really want in your life then chart a plan of action to get there. Keep your focus on character and qualities rather than thinking "I want him". The more you focus on "I want him" or become clingy with him - the more he will distance himself from you.
There is nothing wrong about his choice. You have the choice not to play in to it.
Sad.
I really do understand where you are coming from, but aren't there any variables in situations like these? Is everything always so black and white?
I have a FWB, we know the boundaries, I am not expecting us to become a couple, we have been together for 4 years. Both of us are in it for the same thing. YOU ARE NOT! You cannot be in a FWB unless you both want the same thing, which is Friendship with SEX, you want to develop a romance with him, therefore you are going to be hurt.
But its obvious you didn't really want help with this situation, you just want someone to tell you it will be a romance, so go ahead and have your relationship...what do I care, I was trying to help but you don't want it.
Does this sound like a man who is falling madly in love with you? You need to deal with the relationship you have.... not the one you WISH you had. You are walking on dangerous ground here, by hanging on to a casual sex relationship in the hope that he will change his mind about you and want more. It just doesn't happen very often.
And it's really not about the sex. Sex won't make a man stay if he wants to leave, and a man doesn't necessarily throw a woman away just because she had sex on the first date. It all depends on whether he likes her AS A PERSON, and how excited he is about her. If he a man likes you, he generally pursues you... meaning he calls regularly, he wants to see you and he takes you out.
You need to be honest with yourself about whether you are truly OK with settling for a "just sex" relationship. Doesn't sound like it, to me. But you're a big girl... you can make your own decision, where that is concerned.
But the fact that you feel like you have to chase him down for SEX does not sound hopeful. So, stop contacting him. If you want to know how interested he is, let him come after YOU.
Good luck.
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