What should I do now?
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 03-23-2007 - 3:45pm |
So there is this guy I met when I was out one night with friends a couple months ago. We have just recently started dating for the last month and a half. He pretty much calls or texts me every day. He's cooked me dinner, taken me out to movies, etc. We were even together on Valentine's Day, when we had only been seeing each other for a few weeks. We usually hang out at least a couple days a week. He has also tried computing our astrology "compatibility" when I was over, showed me his workplace, etc.
Today, however, I am confused. I know I should never do this stuff over text messaging, but he had happened to text me at 3am, like he does sometimes (very rarely) if I'm away, or he's with his friends just to say "hi". Sometimes it bothers me, because I feel that he only wants one thing, even though he's told me that he likes hanging out with me, etc. It may be because I was in a "friends with benefits" relationship up until a year ago which lasted about 9 months, and made me feel like crap afterwards, so I think it makes me a little paranoid at times if this guy happens to text me at a weird hour.
Anwyways, somehow I got in the conversation via text today about where I stand. I am really not the type of girl to ever ask about these things, but I really like him. I'm 22, and he's 29, which I would think he would be ready to settle down soon. I had told him flat out that I don't want to be just considered a "convenience" to him, and had asked him if there was ever a possiblity in the near future about starting something more, and if not, I wish he would've told me up front when I first met him that he didn't want anything more. He replied back, "It's not that I don't want anything more. I'm just not pushing for a relationship. I want to make sure the person I date is going to work. I don't want to rush it, and when I do, I want to make sure it's right." So, the impression I got from this is that the next person he is dating (be me, or whoever) is going to be THE one, and wants it to really work. I realize he just got out of a 2 and a half year relationship a little less than a year ago, but I don't know how to take his text. He mentioned to me that he is not seeing anyone else, and when we hang out he even gets jealous if one of my guy friends happens to call me, yet he's saying he doesn't want to "rush into a relationship" and is also saying at the same time that he could possibly want more.
What do I do now? Play hard to get? Or just leave it as it is, and give him time? I'm confused. Thank you all for your input.
Sorry so long!
-C

Pages
Thanks again, for everyone's input. What I failed to mention in the beginning was that this relationship didn't start as a typical dating situation. For one, I met him at a bar when I was out with friends, and two, I felt like I slept with him too soon--just a couple times after hanging out with him, so I was worried that that's all he would see me as. However, he has done nice things for me, such as take me out to movies, cook me dinner, tell me I'm "cute" etc. And, as I said earlier, he seems to get somewhat jealous if I mention that I'll be hanging out with one of my guy friends. When I've been around him and his friends together, he also introduces me to them right away.
However, there are times where he will text me or call me when he comes home from going to the bar with his friends to say "hi"--but, along with that, he's never asked me to come out with him and his friends to the bars. I know that he's not the type of guy to hit on girls when he goes out, because when I had met him, he was sitting quietly at the bar table with one of his friends talking to one of the bartenders that he knew, and he told me that's all he really does when he goes out with his friends. So, it's not that I don't trust him in that aspect, I just don't know why he hasn't invited me out with his friends. Yet, at the same time, he'll take me out when it's just us two, or, in fact a couple weeks ago wanted to go to a movie with his friends and their girlfriends-and this is after he's already introduced me to them.
I realize that it has only been a couple months, but it's just that I truly do like him, and I know that he likes me as well, but don't understand why he's hesitant to start something more. Although, like I said, he has mentioned that he "never said he didn't want anything more" in his text--he just wants to take it slow. The question I have is how long do I wait to "just take it slow"?
I guess that all the signs are pointing towards "good" from us hanging out a few times a week, him doing nice things for me such as cooking for me, taking me out, introducing me to his friends, telling me he's not seeing anyone else, etc. but yet I still feel that he's pulling away or that he never will want anything else.
Am I just being too paranoid still?
It is a little too soon to see how things will go. It is nice that he is dedicating a few nights a week to you, cooking for you ,plus going out and he compliments you. As far as not askingyou to join them when he calls you late, it could be a couple of things: 1) the friends he is out with want it to be "just the guys" 2) the reason he is calling you is to check up on you to see if you talk to him; you know, you wouldn't have a complete conversation with him if you just met someone else.
What you need to be concerned with is how he expresses his jealousy so that it doesn't hurt you. He may not be hesitant to start something more, he may already be doing that it is just not as fast and as exhuberantly done the way you would like it.
He may be pulling away because he doens't like you hanging out with those guys that you are friends with and that may be why you feel he is pulling away. He has a valid concern and it is up to you to determine what means more to you hanging out with a bunch of guys or developing a relationship with him.
Pages