What should I think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2004
What should I think?
2
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 6:12pm
Its been about 6months since my ex and I broke up. We had been together a year but I wanted more of a commitment and he said he wasn't sure if he was in love with me. Soon after we broke up, he started seeing someone else but he never stopped calling me. I've asked him to give me space but he says he can't lose me because I'm the only real thing in his life. He can trust me unconditionally and I'm his best friend. Yesterday, I wrote him a letter explaining that he needed to think about what he wanted or expected from a continued friendship with me and what his true feelings are. I also told him I wasn't asking him these questions because I wanted him back or because I expected him to say he loved me but I just needed him to realize that he hasn't really moved on and by calling me he hasn't let me move on. I told him to ask himself the following questions "if he wasn't in love with me, then what was he afraid of losing in giving me space." I also asked him to ask himself "if he wasn't in love with me then why would he tell his girlfriend he would choose our friendship over her." He needed to figure out what his definition of "being in love" was. Until then we needed space and when he made a decision then call me. Well, he called this morning and asked to meet him for breakfast. He didn't say anything about the letter until we finished. He said he read it and needed to think about what I had said. He said he didn't know what to think anymore because some of the stuff maybe true. He didn't explain about what he meant but then he asked we're still friends right? What should I think? Does he call all the time because he wants more and doesn't realize it or is friendship all he wants. But when someone has a girlfriend do they call everyday.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 7:06pm
From my experience, you have to get him to quit calling you right away. He really shouldn't be calling you so frequently, especially seeing as he has a new girlfriend. It sounds to me like he's trying to figure out whether this new relationship is going to go anywhere and till he figures it out, he's going to string you along by constantly calling you and stringing you along, making you think that he may still have feeling for you. By doing this, he knows that you wont be able to move on.

Quit talking to him. Make it clear to him that your relationship is over and that he shouldn't be calling you so often. If he won't listen, ignore his calls (if you have call display) or tell him you can't talk now and you'll call him back (but don't).

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:29pm
Hi,

I completely agree with night_echo. This guy continues to call you to ensure you will be there for him just in case things with his current relationship don't pan out. As night_echo said, he knows that by keeping the communication lines open with you, it will be difficult if not impossible to move on. You need cut all communication with him. Once he sees that you are no longer on the back burner he's going to have to re-examine his options. Good luck. Lucy