What should I think

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
What should I think
12
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 4:27pm
I posted this on the 20-something Hangout but I thought I might get a different response on this board.

I am new here. I have currently gotten out of a four year relationship. I have not been single in quite awhile and I need help.

I met this guy in the gym. We talk everyday and I really thought that he was kind of into me. (I am kind-of into him) He had burned a CD for me and we were talking about it and I just said hey do you want to hang out sometime? He said "We'll see." then he asked if I was going to this local bar that I go to on Thursday's? He said that he was going.

Can somebody tell me what that means. It is like he turned me down and then turned around and asked me out. What should I do? Should I go tonight? Can someone help me with what he is thinking???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 5:18pm
I think he didn't ask you out. He asked IF you were going there. Probably he'll be there with his friends and if you come there alone, just for him, you might feel uncomfortable around him and his friends. If you have your own company to go there, I'd say you go but play cool around him. Let him wonder whether you're interested in him or not;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 5:40pm
Oh, I know that he did not ask me out. I did not take it like that. I guess I was not clear in my post. It was just like "we'll see but I am going to be at the bar tomorrow are you"? All of that in the same breath. It was a little strange. If I go tonight, I always go with friends and he knows that I go there almost every Thursday so it would not be like I was going to see him. He is the one that is usually goes by himself. I just don't know if I should talk to him or make him talk to me or what? I don't want to feel uncomfortable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 5:52pm
I'd let him make the effort to talk to you. He really hasn't given you anything to go on to know if he is interested. Maybe he's involved with someone. If he was REALLY interested he would have asked you out. Maybe he's just thinking about it and wanting to wait and get to know you a little better before deciding to pursue something. But I'd go to the bar with my friends and if he waves, wave back, if he comes over to talk, be receptive but don't go over and initiate anything. Let him come to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 6:08pm
I totally agree. Go to the bar and be friendly but make HIM come to you. If you see him first, make sure he doesn't see you then try to avoid eye contact with him till he notice you and come to say HI. I know, that's kind of a 5th grade game but I don't see any other ways to make him make a first move - if he's willing to do so, of course .
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 6:12pm
He really didn't ask you out. What he said was if you were going to the local bar on Thursday. When you asked him if he wouldn't like to hang out sometime, his reply was, "We'll see."

I don't think he feels the same as you do right now. He probably wants to feel you out first.

Just don't fall into the trap if he asks to take you home. It may be only for a sex romp. Go slow, find out his intentions first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 6:14pm
That is a wonderful idea but it has a problem. I don't guess I mentioned that this bar is very small and we will not be able to avoid seeing one another for the moment we walk in. Thursday night is the night that everyone goes up there and all of my friends will be there but I will see him pretty much from the moment I arrive.

I guess I just need to find the least uncomfortable way to deal with this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 6:16pm

barbiedollone, you are taking something simple and making it complicated. He asked if you were going to be there - you either are or you aren't. But, that really doesn't matter unless you are going there with the prime purpose of seeing him, which you aren't. Now, there is nothing between you two at this point except for a mild attraction and a few conversations.


Sooooooooo, go there on Thursday night and enjoy it. If you see him treat him as an aquanitance, that is just someone you have met and have had a conversation with. There are no commitments, no proposals or

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 6:22pm
I agree that I am making this a little complicated. I just feel a little uncomfortable because I asked him first if he wanted to hang out sometime. I am not usually like that and I never would have asked if I did not think that he was going to say "yes." I guess I just got the wrong read from him and I am usually not like that. Do men send mixed signals on purpose??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 6:25pm
I am not sure what way I feel. I am kind-of into him. That is why I asked if he wanted to hang out. I don't know enough about him to know if I even like him. I guess that is the strange thing. Thanks for the advice. Wish me luck on not making an idiot out of myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 7:07pm
I don't think he asked you out. A man asks me out on a date when he asks me in advance to go somewhere with only him and he does most of the planning - especially if it is a first or second date - telling me he's going to be at a certain place is treating me like a buddy not a potential date much less girlfriend.

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