what to think

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
what to think
4
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 4:24pm
I have been dating a guy that I met online for about 4.5 months now. He is great and I love being with him. I think I am even falling in love. However we are not bf/gf yet. We are exclusive and not dating anyone else I have already checked with that I know not to assume these types of things.
We don't get to spend a lot of time together because he works 2 jobs plus he is a volunteer fireman. We spend one set night a week together and if I want to hang out another day I just ask him and he does unless he has to work. He always tells me what is going on in his week so I know 90% of the time where he is or what he is doing.
However, he never takes the initiative to ask me to hang out but he always tries to accommodate me when I want to do something and he treats me really well. So I don't know what to think. When we first started dating he used to call all the time and invite me to do something other than Sunday (our set day) now I have to initiate everything.
The other night I brought up how he doesn’t call me anymore and he was like that is not true I call he doesn't even realize that we don't talk that often. If I call him he either answers the phone or calls me back as soon as he can which is usually in an hour I am impressed with that so I guess he is not avoiding me.
I am just afraid he might of lost interest and is hanging out with me because I am around. Not to get to personal we don’t do the deed every time so I don’t think he is using me we do make out and stuff. He just doesn’t go all the way all the time.
He also makes comments about his ex he doesn’t say things as often as when we first started dating but he would say how his ex used to always complain if he didn't take her out (I am the complete opposite we are both homebodies which is great), or complain when he worked which I understand because I am on call as well when I am not in school so I understand he has only blown me off twice and both times was for work which I didn’t mind.
I don’t' know what to think. I don’t' want to get hurt because I am ignoring signs. the other night I told him how one of my guy friends is dating a girl for companionship if you know what I mean and he said he is to busy to waste his time with someone he doesn’t' really care about. I don't know I am sooo confused I don’t' mind seeing him once a week because I go to school full time and I work 40+ hours so I don’t have much time either I just don't want to have a rude surprise which is what happened before and maybe I may be paranoid any insight would be great. Thanks
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 9:27pm

You're starting to see the *real* him...not the "best foot forward dating guy" you met a few months ago ;-).

I'm sure he does enjoy your company and care about you...but he's not the type to make an effort in a relationship...his comments about what his ex complained about are additional proof of that. You need to decide if you can live with that...or not. This is *how he is* when he's in a relationship.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 11:21pm
If a guy has slacked off in asking you out or calling you, then he's probably already taking you for granted. It sounds like you've made things easy for him to become lazy. He's hanging out, because you've made it easy for him to "fit you into his busy schedule". Had you been less available on his nights off or saw him when it's convenient for you, he would've seen you as more of a challenge and held his interest longer. But don't beat yourself up over this, learn from this for the next guy that comes along.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 12:20am
I wouldn't be so quick to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 8:30pm

I think I would be inclined to not worry so much about him calling and have fun on my own - let him realize that he misses you because he can't find you at his beckon call - and then he will learn not to take you for granted. Why would he bother making plans if you are always doing it for him?

Another approach might be to offer a solution that you want instead of just giving him a complaint. For example - why don't you take turns at initiating - this week it is you and then next week it is him. Make it fun.

Don't be scared because of what happened in the past. This is a new guy. Just let time tell and don't sweat it. If he is right for you, you will know and if not you will just move on and be okay and probably find someone better.

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