What to think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
What to think?
5
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 1:28am
Ok. I'm 20 and the guy i dated is 19.I dated the guy for 3 months. We had a really good relationship.We never fought and i felt so comfortable with him.We kinda spent too much time together and he hardly ever saw his guy friends when we were together. He knew i didnt trust him and that was the main reason we broke up. the day after we broke up he said he just wanted his time and then we could get back together and then ever since then hes been really distant. He couldnt make up his mind on what he wanted and now we are down to being friends but his mood still changes. He never did this before hes kinda starting to make me mad. I went over to his house last night after nt really seeing him for almost 3 weeks and i thought we had a good time. We just hung out and cuddled and he was flirting and being his normal self. we had sex too. Now hes getting mad cause i wanted to go to a skate out of town where he will be and he doestn want me to go. I just wish i knew why he was acting like two totally different people. Anyone got any ideas or advice. I am in love with him i knwo it sounds rediculus but its tru i cant get him out of my head and i cry everyday for him. Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 10:50pm
how do u get ur messages?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 1:15pm
Kinda sounds like he is keeping
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 4:04pm
How do i tell if he even wants me back? we had like a perfect relationship but now nothing. He'll put up things on his away messages about wanting to be a bachelor but yet he seemed like himself around me that one night. All my freinds say he fell for me and i thought so too but i cant figure out how he went from one extreme to the next.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 4:13pm
I can only tell you this...a man who wants to be with you, truly wants to be with you...will.

Lilypie Baby Days<

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 8:47pm
He's not acting like two "totally different people" - but you need to have an honest conversation wtih him...and maybe get honest with yourself first.

Basically, after 3 months of doing nothing but seeing you and sleeping with you -he said "I need breathing room".

What that means is....I'm emotionally driven, unfocused, and self-indulgent. So when having your adoration of him stroked his ego, and having you stroke his body was his "priority" - he indulged in that 24/7/365.

And as a result, he missed the other fun things in life that he had going on - like his friends, like flirtation with other girls, like getting a better job, or pursuing other goals.

So, he said "this has to end".......and what you've done is continue to "want to be friends".

You've offered a loosely structured, opened ended "friendship"...it's where you do the calling, the pursuing of contact, you go to him, and if he wants to do nothing but cuddle and kiss and have sex...you're willing to do just that. That's "friendship" to you and him....re-read that to make that you're saying that you'd do that with all your "male friends" and not just him trying to get back to 'dating'.

So anytime he wants sex...he knows he can get that by contacting you...and he doesn't really have to ocntact you because you're so busy missing him and letting him know it that you're readily available or making yourself easily accessible should he desire no-obligation sex.

So after the last round of no-obligation sex you turned to him as if there were some potential of a "kinda sorta date" and said "let's go out of town to the skate"....and he got upset.

He didn't just sleep with you and get his rocks off to have you making requests. He slept with you and got his rocks off becuase you were available and without obligation to him in any way.

He's mad because of one of two things and I suspect it's a combination of both. a) he knows if he disapproves of you going you won't go...and he doesn't wnat you around in case he meets another girl, or in case he just wants to hang out with his buddies all night long and he doesn' want you constanlty coming up and wanting to "slow skate".

b) he's upset that you misled him with the offer of sex...and then are trying to get a "date" out of it post-sex...and he's NOT going to make that kind of deal. He's willing to have sex with no obligation...meaning you can make requests maybe, if you do it nicely, but when he says no - you have to say okay, and you go do what you ant, and if that involves you going anyway you don't hang all ove rhim, you don't drink and get all horny and kissy, and you don't get into a rage if he picks up another girl while he's there...without you...because you're not dating...you're a 'dude without a d(*k" by his way of viewing it because you're sleeping with him without obligation......and he wouldnt' sleep with his "friends" because they're male....you're kinda sorta his acquaintenance and female so you're a hang out/hook up buddy....provided it doesn't limit his options or create obligations.

He didn't pigeonhole you in this role. You willingly slipping into this - by slipping into bed without dating him again first.


Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com