What would you do?
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What would you do?
| Wed, 10-05-2005 - 6:30pm |
Would you go out on a date with someone towards whom, when you first met, you felt absolutely no attraction?
I seem to be falling into these situations on a regular basis. I'm not sure whether I give out a wrong impression by being friendly, but I hate it when I am later invited out on a date by someone I didn't intend to attract. I then feel snobbish, of course, by having to 'cool down' my attitude so that they 'get the message'.
This bring out another problem - I get attracted to, and later fall in love with, guys who are players and committment-fobs. Am I doomed?

schnittke:
I really like the book I have. The title and author are in the above post about "butterflies". Reading that opened my eyes to many things. Another book that I thoroughly recommend and which also made me open my eyes out wide....because it was so true! Was
Still Single-Are You Making Yourself Unavailable When You Don't Want To Be? What to do about it! by Casey Maxwell Clair
It was an excellent book.
I would give my date another chance even if I did not feel attracted to them on the first date BUT, IF I liked the feeling I get from them. Atleast a neutral or a positive vibe. Later, you could always change your mind with more confidence if you just do not feel anything with the person.
There was this one guy I dated I felt absolutely neutral towards. We dated 2 months. Things didn't change. It was almost as if I was trying hard to like him, because he was such a nice, stable person, but something seemed very Off. There seemed to be a friendship but nothing else. He was way more involved though. I broke things off. And after some time apart, I have him as a friend now, but nothing else. Even now, when I see him, I have no regrets, because I know I made the right decision.
If I am feeling "turned off" by them, then I would not take it further.
This date I went on, he actually flirted with the waitress!!! And he actually thought he was "being cool". He had no idea how much that had turned me off. I never saw him after that day.
No, I wouldn't go out with someone I felt absolutely NO attraction to. I don't think you have to cool anything down though after turning them down nicely. Just behave normally.
With respect to the 2nd part of your post, are you saying that you are not attracted to people's looks, but rather their behavior? If there were two equally good-looking twins, you'd only be attracted to the "evil" twin ;-)?
Sheri
Well, actually, I'd be attracted to each equally based on their looks, that's why I raised the question. And I would become less attracted as I got to know the "evil" twin. I don't want a bad boy, thank you very much ;-)!
Sheri
Yes, but how do you know someone is 'a bad boy' straight off? The problem is that, at least in my experience, these guys appear to be charming, they know how to woo a woman into their nest. And then once they get what they want they show their real face.
I do get attracted to people's looks. But I equally get attracted to their personality. When I meet someone, if they appear to be weak (as a person), or insecure, or too keen, or concerned only about their looks, or not intelligent enough, or not romantic, etc... they can be as good looking as they want, but I will not be interested. They have a better chance with me if they have all of the above qualities but are not that good looking. I think their qualities would make them good looking in my eyes.