what is wrong here???
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what is wrong here???
| Wed, 06-13-2007 - 12:56am |
ok. i will be 29 on Thursday, and i am single. not for lack of trying. ok, that's not totally true. i have joined a dating website, but so far, the guys are not good. i asked a male friend of mine about a friend of his , and was told the guy's not interested (even though he flirted with me mercilessly at a party several weeks ago...whatever). i admit i have been a commitment phobic girl previously. now, i want to meet a nice guy, and and am having no luck. it's really frustrating. i don't know what else to do. am trying to stay upbeat, and tell myself that i will find someone, but i can't help being discouraged.

Sorry, I know we're online, but I'm not a big fan of online dating stuff. I really believe that the best BEST way is in person. Yah, do the online dating thing but also just get out there and do stuff - but not necessarily to find someone or whatever, just to have fun on your own! Go out dancing because you enjoy doing it, not to meet someone... go to the museum, sight-seeing, etc for *you* and then just be open to meeting new people, be friendly, talk to whomever. Basically, what I'm saying is just live your life. This will sound cheesey, but honestly love will find *you*. You won't have to work to find it yourself. People are attracted to people with full lives and who are confident on their own. The best way to project that is by living that way.
Lots of good suggestions in this thread already.
And it's ok to send off "I'm available & interested in men" signals, or even "I'm interested in YOU" signals, or even "hi, my name's xxx, what's yours?". You don't want to send off "I'm desperate and open for players to jerk me around" signals.
How do you avoid desperation signals? Don't BE desperate. Find ways to be happy with yourself, in yourself, for yourself, by yourself or with friends/family, and realize that ultimately only you can make yourself happy, and you can do that even if you're alone. And you know what, a confident, happy, living, fun-loving woman is quite attractive.
And if you never find anyone, at least you've made yourself happier, and found that you can be happy even alone.
But, likely, someday you will find someone. Just keep living right.
Edited 6/19/2007 2:28 pm ET by jay_d2
Online dating is good to keep yourself busy, but I tried it years ago after my divorce and it was actually a mix between depressing and humorous. (I keep telling people to watch Must Love Dogs. That stuff really happens!). Online dating is ok because you get used to going on "first" dates, but beware of the guys who have been on there a long time. I've heard them referred to as "lifers", lol. You can search on match.com and sort by newest members. I'd avoid those at the bottom of the list. They've been around and if haven't found anyone on line after a year and are still there, they're just playing. There are some guys that are still on there three years later with same lame profile! And anyone who has to tell you they are Honest and Caring, probably aren't. Just some first hand experience.
I agree to mix it up, do your own thing, attend events you are interested. Ever go to a movie by yourself? I was scared the first time I did it, but I do now sometimes and it helps to be "OK" with being alone. I even went out to dinner alone...once!
Good luck and be safe. You are still young and the right guy will find you once you have found comfort in yourself!
Patty
PATTY
~Dare to believe in yourself~