Whats the deal??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
Whats the deal??
8
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 1:16am
I hooked up with the guy from school,after known him for couple months, it was obvious he was interested in me,we just started seeing each other two weeks ago.So far we went out twice,i fell for him, he said he liked me, i had sex with him on my sec date.

I was worried that i was too quick to have sex with him ,because i didn't want to traet him like the guy i met randomly in the bar.i hope he thinks the same about me too.

So now we have the same class together, we waited for each other in front of school,and talked for about 10 mins,then he just went home. I felt at ease a little bit because he seems like ok after we first time have sex.However,what i don't understand is he never called me when he said he would,he didn't hang out during the week, sometime i felt like we were still just like friends, coz at school we keep our relationship secret.

It has been only two weeks now,but I am really confused! its not like we just met...

what should i do? when is a good timing to ask what he really thinks about me??

thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 8:55am
Hi,

Unfortunately, just because you slept with him doesn't mean that anything has changed as far as your relationship goes. He may feel that you are still just friends who were intimate once. Many guys don't call when they say they will unless they want to talk to you. If he didn't have anything to say, he's not going to call. The fact that you slept together does not mean that he has to spend weeknights with you, he doesn't have to see you at all. I hope you don't think I'm being harsh, I'm actually disappointed that men are like this... I myself was seeing someone and because we were intimate I thought we were more than friends all of a sudden.. I was wrong, he still considered me a friend... one that provided benefits too. Obviously that is over but nevertheless, that is where I was at. Lucy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 10:03pm
Oh hunny bunny I hope for your sake that this turn out alright but I don't think it will. Best case scenario is that he thinks he got a free ride from a friend. Worst case scenario is that he got a free ride and he's not REALLY your friend. If you want to know if a guy wants a relationship or just sex it's easy -- don't sleep with him. And that don't includes other, uh, activities. If someone has to take their pants off for it then you don't need to do it unless you are sure all you're looking for is a good time and a cold shoulder. That way if it does turn into something you have a next level to take it to. (On a side note, if you sleep with them right off the bat then what, pray tell, do you top that with? Or maybe I don't want to know.) But back to the subject. If for some reason it doesn't turn into anything then yeah you will be disappointed, but hey at least you won't feel used.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 3:59am
Yea..I guess i knew you guys are right at some level, Just

i thought the months of friendship would have meant something to him.

Like he really liked me as who I am....he said he didn't have that many gf,didn't sleep with a lot gals, he did say he liked me...all the singals i got were saying hes not going to be like other guys. Maybe that didn't mean much after all.

But I'll see and try not to get my hopes up.

One more thing though, do you guys have any good ideas that i could test how he feels?

I don't like to play game, I just wanted to know the answer before I hurt myself really bad

,so i can move on

many thanks

airie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 12:11pm
Hi,

The best thing you can do at this point is let it be. Don't go out of your way to talk to him or even approach him first. I'm not saying ignore him but if you see him, a quick hello and keep walking kind of thing... If he is intersted in being more than a friend, he will come to you and broach the subject. Otherwise it might be best to leave it alone and chalk it up to lessons learned. Lucy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2004
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 6:34pm
I hate to say it (because I just went through the same thing as you with a male friend) but I think we as women have to be the ones to set the pace that is comfortable with us. I let the guy who was my friend for 2.5 years throw me down one night -- It was GREAT we had sex until 3:30 in the morning. We work together and guess what? He never called. We have to see each other every day and we did have one additional date after that and one unforgivable booty call! Unforgivable to me because I should not have answered that phone! Sounds like this guy is not respecting you and making you crazy in the process. I don't think he is worth your time - and I need to take my own advice too!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 6:41pm
Hon, his actions have told you already what he thinks about you...you were his one night stand..no strings attached. He'll call you to hang out and hook up again only when it's convenient to him. You dated casually for two weeks and afterward you slept together. There was nothing said about "exclusivity" and "commitment" so he assumes that you're OK with that. He has no obligation to call or hang out with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2003
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 10:24pm
Hi,

The same thing almost exactly happened to me about 8 months ago. I met this guy thru friends and he went to my school and we became friends for about 6 months. We always partied together at my friends house(and always seemed to have this sexual tension thing going on) so one night we randomly had sex, Big mistake the same thing that happened to u happened to me. We talked for a few minutes every now and then and even slept together once again but things were never the same. Things were always akward and he always acted like he was freaking out that I would want something from him. And he was sorta right I couldn't understand how someone who was my friend couldn't even talk to me about it and I was a emotional mess. Pretty soon through he exited my life completely and made it a point not to see me, it hurt so much but now after looking back I realize he's the jerk. But I don't regret it and I learned a valueable lesson and that's even guys that are friends and seem nice can turn out to be the typical player jerk guy. My advice to u is to save yourself from this by forgeting about him he's really not worth it, sorry if this sounds harsh but if he was really interested he would have at least talked to u about what happened. But don't beat yourself up either through(these things happen) instead chalk it up to a life lesson and move on.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 11:51pm
He got what he wanted, so I don't think he'll be hanging around you much more. If he does come around it's because he thinks he can get laid again. Stand up for yourself and show you are worth it. I know you're a smart girl who's got a good head on her shoulders. Next time, wait until you're actually in a relationship.