What's the deal with online dating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2005
What's the deal with online dating?
3
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 4:19pm
I am totally new to this online dating scene. Honestly it makes me nervous. I met this guy on Plentyoffish.com and we have just been talking on MSN for 3 hours. He seems really awesome and I am looking forward to talking to him again and even meeting him. How do I know if I have hooked a creep or a catch? And at what point do you initiate an actual meeting? Should I wait for him to? I guess I just have this idea in my head that guys using online dating are creeps and are looking to take advantage...(so why you ask did I create a profile well because my friend did and I thought well he isn't a creep so they can't all be creeps.) My friend met this guy online last year and he is a total jerk but she thinks he is great. The guy can't rather doesn't want to keep a job and he scams her out of money. So I guess I am afraid of the same. Any tips anyone? In part as stupid as it sounds if it works out I am a afraid of the judgement from people if I were to tell them how we met. I know online dating has become far more acceptable than it was years ago. Or has it?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 5:09pm

I would strongly suggest that you also post on the Online Dating board and read the posts and homepage for that board for additional information.

I honestly don't know anyone who is single and actively dating who *doesn't* do OLD, so yes, I think it's become extremely mainstream.

Re Plentyoffish, however...my impression from other posters on the OLD board is that many of the people are on that site looking for hookups rather than a relationship. Of course, that doesn't mean *everyone* on there is doing so, but I'd be extra cautious about that if I were meeting someone from there.

My best advice to you is to exchange a few emails (I personally don't IM with potential dates, because my experience with guys who like to chat is that they are either perverts who are into cyber sex or people who don't actually want to *meet* in real life), talk on the phone for 10-15 minutes once or twice, and then if he seems reasonable normal and interesting, meet in person for coffee and take it from there.

The only way to tell for sure if he's a creep or a catch is to date him over time, and evaluate his character through spending time with him in person. Don't make the mistake of many rookie OLD-ers...take it to "real life" ASAP.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2004
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 3:03pm

Hi.
I am on a bunch of sites, probably too many.
But,, my advice is, just look at it as a tool.
There are a ton of guys out there...
I find that most of the ones I meet are geeks.
And nothing compares to meeting someone 'In Real Life', ya know, you can tell
if there is an attraction there or not when you meet 'In Real Life' as opposed to online dating.

I've spoken (emailed) many many men,,, some never made it out of the computer,,
A lot I've met in person and you knew in , oh about, 5 seconds, if they were all they seem to be..

I think it is a good tool but use it that way... Be careful too, it is waaay too easy for guys to be married & post a profile...

In fact, many of the 1st dates I've had I knew were going to go nowhere so I just used
it as a therapy session!!! =)

Good Luck...
=Stacey

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 4:52pm

Hi, the best thing I can share here, is never, ever, be pressured into doing something or meeting etc. when you are NOT comfortable yet. There are guys who try to cajole you by saying nice things, by telling you to trust them fully, by telling you they are harmless etc. or by getting turned off with your reticence and making you feel guilty and making you give in. Don't give in when you know you don't want to. Be friendly but on guard. The decision to meet etc. should come when you feel it in you fully and are doing it becoz you wanna do it. If there is any kind of pressure coming from his side, take a step back and evaluate his real intentions. A sensible guy would never want to force you into doing something you are not comfortable with yet. Tell him you want to take it slow if he seems to be pushing you.

Not all guys online are creeps.

I hope you have spoken to him on the phone? Do that, before you meet him.
A phone is more real than online text.

When you do decide to meet him, bring your OWN car, and meet in a neutral spot. Dont give out your home address yet. Maybe this sounds paranoid, but being safe is key. It's true that the sooner you meet, better it is. But have a general sense of "comfort" before you take that step.

Well, Goodluck. Talk to him a few times on phone, and see how you feel about him. See the way he treats you. Usually, we can tell if a guy truly likes us, is being patient, and is respectful towards us.

Regarding telling people, I'd be upfront and say "we met online" and leave it at that.
But if you feel saying something else makes you feel more comfortable, then you both can mutually decide to do that.

Hope I helped in some way..