What's going on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
What's going on?
3
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 10:53am
Ok, I’ve been seeing this guy for nearly 6 weeks now. Things have been ok. He’s really a good guy, considerate, kind, generous. However, it seems as though every other week, he asks me how I feel about him, as he has already told me that he loves me. I haven’t said it back because I don’t love him…it’s too soon for me. I told him that I don’t move that fast. He said that he understood, and that he didn’t tell me expecting a response. However, it has always been my belief that when someone says, “I love you” and the receiving person doesn’t say it back, it makes for a very awkward situation. I don’t care; I refuse to say that to someone if I don’t feel it. It seems like he has to check every so often to see if maybe my feelings have caught up to his yet. This is so annoying to me.
Now, he’s starting to behave like a needy, insecure person. He says that I don’t seem eager or enthusiastic about spending time with him. We do spend time together, on weekends, so I was definitely confused by this statement. I work full time and I’m a grad student. I study for classes, spend time with friends and family, and spend time relaxing by myself. I have a life, the life I had before he and I met. Also, he seems to act as though he's depressed when we can’t see each other and he always says that he misses me. I guess there’s nothing wrong with missing a person, right? However, when I think of missing someone, it’s usually when they’ve been gone for a while or when they live in another state. Anyway, I’m just starting to get weirded out by the behavior. It seems like his life revolves around seeing me, and when he can’t see me, he acts like he’s sad. Is that normal? I don’t want to make him out to be disturbed or anything; however, I don’t know what to think. What do y’all think?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 11:51am

I think he's showing you he IS a needy, insecure person, and that if you continue to see him, it'll just get worse.

The fact that he's told you he loves you when he hasn't even *known* you for 2 months is IMO also a big red flag that he is not an emotionally healthy person.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 11:56am
Actually it sounds like this man is making your relationship his whole world. The net result is neediness, guilt trip and an attempt at control. If this isn't for you it might be time to move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 12:53pm

Your post was very similar to me and my ex, but in reverse.

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