whats going on???????

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
whats going on???????
8
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 5:27pm
hi,i met a man off a dating site in march.we get on very well,we have met each others`kids,and he stays over the weekends he hasn`t got his son,also a night or so during the week.i did tell him i did really like him and that i hope something would come of it,and he replied that he didnt want a full blown relationship!!! so what is he doing?..and is he keeping his options open?...very confused here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 6:15pm
Hi Angie,

It seems to me that he wants to continue to see and spend time with you but does not want the commitment or obligations of a monogamous relationship. In other words, I think if the opportunity arose, he would see others in addition to you, no commitment to anyone. He's enjoying his freedom and wants to keep it that way along with as you say, his options open. If a guy tells you he doesn't want to be in a 'full blown' relationship, believe him, he's not going to change his mind. Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 2:07pm
hi lucygirl,ty for ur reply.and i guess its time to lay my cards on the table with this man,tell him if im not what he is looking for,we have to go our seperate ways.im not going to be used until something better comes along for him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 2:42pm
Good for you angie. If you are looking for something serious and he's telling you he's not, then it's not a match, is it? I don't really see a point of *laying it out* so to speak, he's already told you how he feels. You just have to make the call and say you're not going to see him anymore. That's it. He's not going to change his mind, and he shouldn't have to. Neither should you. If you are ready for a serious relationship, you should not settle for anything less. Of course, it's always too bad when you see someone for a while and start to develop feelings for them.

Have you been honest with him from the start of what you were looking for? Did he tell you he wasn't looking for anything serious when you started dating? If he did and you didn't listen because you were hoping he'd change his mind, I can understand your disappointment.

Tell him it's over now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 3:18pm
Angie,

I have to tell you again that I don't even know you and I am so proud of you. I am always glad to hear when women won't allow themselves to be used by men or vise versa for that matter. A lot of men think that because they know that women develop feelings for them that it is hard to let go so they assume women will agree to their terms just as long as they remain in the picture. (Not all men do this of course, but many do... I have friends who have accepted their terms and I will tell you that they are no happier for allowing themselves to be used because their guy is only around whenever he feels like it.) Had they cut these guys loose from the moment the guys wanted the 'friends with benefits' deal, they would have been in the process of getting over them but they are with them and miserable knowing that these guys could very well be seeing others. I always ask them... are these guys worth the risk of your getting a disease???... forget the fact that sooner or later they are going to break your heart when they find someone they want to spend more time with than you. I think you said it perfectly...im not going to be used until something better comes along for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:18pm
hi alison....yes..i did it!! but i didnt call,i took the cowards way out and wrote an email.and he didnt even ask why..just replied back saying...."ok bye"..so im better off out of that one...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:33pm
I was reading your reply. What a puss. You are so much better off without him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:49pm
I'm glad you got out of that one! Too funny what his reply was....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 11:06am
cheers beerchick....i think so too!!!