What's up with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
What's up with him?
16
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 6:09pm

I've been dating a guy I really like for 4 months and last week he gave me a reflective armband so that when I exercise in the morning, I'm visible to cars, etc. This is the first and only gift I've gotten from him. No cards, no cute little mementos of anything--- nothing.

What's worse? It was in Christmas gift wrap and he actually told me that he debated about whether to give it to me now or then!!!

What's the deal?

Not a golddigger!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 11:53pm
My guess is this: He wanted to give you something without giving something that was inappropriately too much, and he wanted it to be something that showed he cared about your welfare. Just think... if he had given you something like a large ring or other expensive piece of jewelry or something, you'd probably be thinking "Hey, this is too much. We're not there yet." So he gave you something nice and considerate, even if inexpensive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 9:57am

nymediagirl...

The moment any man gives you ANYTHING....you politely say "thank you!"

PG thinks you (or any other woman) are way off-base when you have to analyze or compare the contents of a gift!

Besides...how would you feel if you exchanged a 'trinket' with the man you were in love with and he just said: "that's nice?!"

It's really unfair to expect specific "items of endearment" from anyone. If we freely wish to give them to you...that's one thing! But if we don't...don't belabor the subject!

Pianoguy

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 10:12am

<>

I've been with my guy for 11 months. I got a card for Valentine's day, a gift card for my bday, and that's it. No other cards, no cute little mementos...what guy does that?

I'll tell you that I would not trade my guy for all the gifts in the world. He is sweet, sensitive, funny, caring, he totally 'gets' me...why do I need a trinket? I know that some people place a higher priority on receiving gifts than I do, and that's ok, but I think you're looking at this the wrong way. I'd be thrilled if my bf got me something so thoughtful and caring as what your guy gave you.

As for Christmas, that *is* an important holiday to me. It's important that my bf acknowledge it in some way. So rather than worry about it, I told him straight out that while I don't want either of us to spend much (we're both struggling at the moment), that I would like him to exchange gifts with him. It's really that simple. Just tell him what you'd like. It doesn't have any less meaning if he came up with it on his own (like he did the armband, which was super sweet), than if you just let him in on your expectations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 11:57am
Thank you NYG - I'm so glad I reached out for other perspectives on this. Really, I'm not looking for a specific thing, I guess I just equate those little things that guys have traditionally given me, with the idea that he's thinking of me. Anyway, I appreciate your response.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 12:01pm

Lighten up PG - I wasn't raised by wolves and was glad to receive any token of his affection- and thanked him appropriately.

You misread my situation. I'm not looking for specific items -- e.g., one long-ago bf knew that I like nice jewelry, but we both knew he did not have the means at that time, so he gave me a miniature teddy bear wrapped in a cartier box -- I still treasure the symbolism and the bear to this day! It's not the item-- it's "I'm into you, I'm thinking of you, I get you."

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 12:08pm
Thanks blondie - I appreciate your thoughtful response and actually got a great perspectives from all the responses -- I really like this guy and this is not a roadblock - I guess people gift very differently -- live and learn!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 2:18pm
Just reading my own message... did I use the word "something" enough or what!?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 10:13pm
Well he's financially thrifty... is he emotionally ungenerous as well?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 2:58pm
Something like that!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 8:05am
I agree!
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