What's his deal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2000
What's his deal?
5
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 7:55pm
Ok so I met this guy on Myspace (never a good thing) but he was the college roomie of one of my college friends husband. So he messages me, we go back and forth for a few days, I give him my # Friday night so while I'm out with my girls he texts me to say have a good night and whatnot. So Saturday we're online chatting and he texts me what a great day it is. So he mentions that it would be a great day for a drive and dinner... at which point I ask him if that's a suggestion or an invitation - to which he responds "both" - so we meet up. He took me for a long drive to check out the foliage, talked for a long time, then he took me to dinner, we went for a walk on the beach at night, went out for coffee, then came back to my place to watch a movie... so we stayed up late, ended up messing around, had fun... 3am I'm about to go to sleep... and he leaves. Fine, i have to get up early in the morning so its not to weird. Tried messaging him Sunday, heard nothing, messaged him again midweek and got a 5 word response, then Friday night at 9pm he texts me and we end up talking on the phone for over an hour. He kept asking when I was leaving in the morning because I was going away.. not sure if he was looking for an invite but whatever.. So I message him Sunday to see if he wants to do dinner, finally Weds I call and leave a voicemail to ask again... Friday night I get a text saying "thanks for the invite, are you out tonight" - So i've had a few glasses of wine and I ask him over. We watch a movie, drink some more wine, mess around, he stays, fine. Now tonight I get a text saying "thanks again for the wine" and thats it. My friend says he's a really nice guy and he seems it but how come he doesn't ask me out? Or freakin call me back when I call him? I know he is a teacher so he's busy but it doesn't take forever to call someone back. He's probably just enjoying some action but he doesn't pressure me for sex, we just have a good time... is he just having fun? Should I ditch him for being a little unreliable? Or forgive him becaue he's busy. I don't expect him to stop everything and call me but just a "hey, won't have time to do dinner this week but maybe another time" ... I don't know what to do... any advice?

BFP: April 4th 2010

Natural M/C: April 17th 2010 @ 6wks 5 days

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 8:44pm
Honey, the guy is IN for WHATEVER he can get, being it messing around or full blown sex. It seems that he likes you to initiate things and he takes the back seat. It's comfortable and it doesn't take him time and effort to plan ahead. He's in for the ride and whatever her gets it's fine with him. I wouldn't expect anything serious from him.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 8:58pm

He may well be a nice guy, but it sounds like he wants a casual, "hang out" type of relationship where he doesn't have to take you out again, and where you do all the work (it sure seems like you are contacting him way more than the other way around). If you're ok with that, then that's cool, but if you want more of a dating relationship, he's probably not your guy.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 9:59am
You are dating Mr. Spontaneous. Nobody is that busy that they can't set up a real date. Quit texting with this guy, and wait for him to call you to arrange a date. If he doesn't then you know where you stand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 12:27pm
I have a rule that I don't do texting at the start of a relationship...if someone likes you they should pick up the phone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 12:54am
It seems like you have been very vague about what your expectations are in this situation. You let him make out (and more?) without any dates or formalities, nor have you made it clear you need to be formally courted. I would agree with previous post of stop contacting him - if he misses your company he'll get in touch. And if he doesn't contact you, well.... Next time make sure you've gone on a date before you start dishing out the goods - as hard as it is to control your urges, I think it pays off in the end.