What's my problem???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
What's my problem???
5
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 4:55pm
I don't know what to do, I don't know what my problem is. Not to be bragging, cuz I know there are girls that are much better looking in some aspect or another, but I know that I'm pretty decent looking and I've even had many people tell me I could be a super model. And I'm also not the stuck up type. I always do whatever I can for other people and I have a hard time taking compliments. Even at times I may have low self esteem, but alot of that has to do with how people treat me. Pretty much walking all over me, no matter what I say about it to stick up for myself... but my main problem is guys. I run across lots of guys that like me. Unfortunately they're always guys that I like as friends and friends only. I'm never physically attracted to them even when some of them can be seriously hot. I'm physically attracted to good looking guys, but my main thing is their sense of humor. I hate being faced with always having to turn down guys that are perfectly nice, but no matter how hard I try, it's just not there...and the guys that I do "feel" for, either don't feel for me, or they seem to and then don't do anything about it, like not call me, or they have girlfriends. Even when I try the online dating thing instead of meeting guys through friends or at bars or parties, I get OLD men. At least old for me. I'm 24, gonna be 25 so I'm not interested in anyone really much older at all than I am. The guys that could be good materialistically, are poops in the humor department or just not into having a good time, whereas, I still wanna enjoy life, not just sit around being a bum. but guys that are younger are too immature and guys that ARE my own age are wishy washy or else taken. HELP What's wrong with me???
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 9:15pm
Perhaps, what's happening is that you're not happy with who you are. You say you have a low self esteem and lack of self worth. You described yourself as a "people pleaser" and a "care taker" who is willing to go the extra mile to be accepted. However, people don't respond to your "good intensions" and rather walk all over you. It is possible that you take that reaction and bottle it up and the cycle continues. Since you present with these characteristics you look for a guy lower than your standards or already involved. The first step to change your life is to accept yourself as you are and love it. Set boundaries and enforce them. Later on worry about guys, but for now you are more important.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 10:15pm
it's not you, it's the selection. you need to get out to every party and every group outing possible - next summer do a share in the hamptons, just expose yourself - if you really are that pretty, the men will come, and 1 out of every 15 or 20 or so will be a gem. then you have to. force yourself. to be. COOL. friendly, incredibly sweet, feminine sexy and COOL. bring it on and lay back. mother nature gave you the gift of beauty, but it's only mesmerizing as long as you stay a little coy, and a little unfamiliar - then you will be that special prize. hate to say it, as much as you'd like to believe otherwise, it's all one big game.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 2:48am
hmm....very true...it is a game...how i hate that...but it is the truth...probably bcoz the one in everyones mind has all these sweet qualities that do need to be learnt..and rarely come natural...just see the lives of superstars...how different they are off screen..off stage...they are evenutally normal human beings...but we want them to be that special person with all the beautiful qualities...so...if anyone wants to be taken like that...he/she needs to learn that art..and once that is learnt...and practiced...it becomes a game...not a natural thing...isnt it? so if queen..you really want that king of your dreams to take you as his queen...then you might as well have to act like one queen...so queens are a little moody..they dont mingle with every one...and when your king would see that...he would run to get you...and if we (kings...coz i m elvis..the pop king..heh..heh..heh...just kidding) get things after some effort we hold on to it...to keep it..after all..men have this hunter attitude...they want to hunt....so please let us hunt you...otherwise we arent going to preserve you...pamper you...got it...glitterqueen?

elvis_in_silence
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 11:26am
I know exactly what is wrong....you are in your 20's. I too am considered an attractive woman by others. I am getting ready to turn 35. I cried all day the day I turned 30. I felt like my life was over. But how wrong I have been. My 30's have been so much better to me than my 20's ever were. In my 20's I was very insecure and very much a people pleaser. It was because I was not happy in who I was. I didn't feel confident. I didn't stand up for myelf. I was attracted to only the "HOT" looking guys. It was because if a Hot looking guy was seen next to me, In my head...it was hoped that people would deem me as worthy. So.....moving on. What I have found in my 30's is that I am a beautiful person. On the inside. That I am loving and giving, and caring...However I don't let people take me for granted. I am my own best friend..I am the first person to stick up for myself...I can go on. Also, I found that I find chemistry in all sorts of men. I have dated a guy that was over 300lbs. I loved his personality and gave him a chance...and we had a wonderful relationship. I have dated men that initally was no attraction. What I noticed that if we shared the same values and had a lot in common....over time..I would look at them...and low and behold..he was a HOTTIE. I wish I would have felt this way in my 20's. However I think it took my experiences in my 20's to make me the woman I am in my 30's...and I guess I can say....40's WATCH OUT!!

I am not sure if this answered your question. I wish you the best..

Sincerely,

Jodie

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 11:37am
Welcome to my world. :) I feel your pain. I've experienced the same thing as far as guys go - the ones I'm NOT attracted to are smitten with me, the ones I AM interested in aren't interested in me.

But, there is a silver lining to the dating cloud: I did just meet a really nice guy who things are going well with so far. :) So keep your chin up! You'll find someone.

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