what's the truth?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2011
what's the truth?
3
Sat, 01-26-2013 - 10:13am

Hi. I have been dating a guy for a few months. He is a nice guy and we have alot in common, We talk every day and see each other often. I do however have one issue with him. He talks about his Ex alot. They lived together for 13 yrs and I seem to know a bit too much about her including her Bday (thanks to him). At first, I didn't care but as time has progressed I realize that his talking about her is bothering me ans I am begininng to question his honesty. Yesterday he told me that she was a model. (Great!!!! I said to myself. Now, I have to deal with a super model. lol!!! ) About a month ago, he told me he met a girl on match that showed up at his office in a bikini. He said she only did that 1 time. Then last week he said that she followed him home from his office and showed up at his house in a bikini a few times. I Said to him...but you only said 1 time, he told me that I misunderstood. Then last Sunday, we spoke and he told me that some girl he met before me called to wish him a Happy New Year and asked if they could get together for a drink and he said no, he is dating someone. Now, this is my ?.......how much of all this is true? Is he lying or embellishing the truth? Is he trying to fill his own ego? Is he trying to make me jealous or think that he is so fabulous and wanted? Is it a self esteem issue? I am divorced and my marriage ended bc my ex was a cheater. I don't want to go down that road again. Am I being too sensitive? Should I end it with him?

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Sun, 01-27-2013 - 5:47pm

silverjet79 wrote:
<p>Hi. I have been dating a guy for a few months. He is a nice guy and we have alot in common, We talk every day and see each other often. I do however have one issue with him. He talks about his Ex alot. They lived together for 13 yrs and I seem to know a bit too much about her including her Bday (thanks to him). At first, I didn't care but as time has progressed I realize that his talking about her is bothering me ans I am begininng to question his honesty. Yesterday he told me that she was a model. (Great!!!! I said to myself. Now, I have to deal with a super model. lol!!! ) About a month ago, he told me he met a girl on match that showed up at his office in a bikini. He said she only did that 1 time. Then last week he said that she followed him home from his office and showed up at his house in a bikini a few times. I Said to him...but you only said 1 time, he told me that I misunderstood. Then last Sunday, we spoke and he told me that some girl he met before me called to wish him a Happy New Year and asked if they could get together for a drink and he said no, he is dating someone. Now, this is my ?.......how much of all this is true? Is he lying or embellishing the truth? Is he trying to fill his own ego? Is he trying to make me jealous or think that he is so fabulous and wanted? Is it a self esteem issue? I am divorced and my marriage ended bc my ex was a cheater. I don't want to go down that road again. Am I being too sensitive? Should I end it with him? </p>

He's got some unresolved issues and is not emotionally ready to be in any kind of serious dating relationships.

You can do better. IMO, you should end it and save yourself a lot of misery and torture.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Sun, 01-27-2013 - 9:10am
You're exactly right about the self-esteem - whether true or embellished, the fact that he is saying these things to you about other women shows him to be very insecure.
 
You can easily call him directly on it after the next time he says something like this by you simply saying "I've noticed you've mentioned how attractive past women have been, are you trying to make me jealous?" After he gets done muttering a response.....let him know that you aren't jealous, but the fact is that, when dating someone, no one wants to hear about how attractive an ex was.
 
It could just be new person jitters and he's trying to much to impress you in his own misguided insecure way. If he continues after this brief education, though, that is a red flag that his insecurity runs deep and you'll start finding it in other things he says too. At that point, it will be up to you to decide how much of that you are willing to put up with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 01-26-2013 - 12:32pm

I think you should listen to your gut feeling.  Is there any way you could verify if his ex was a model?  Like does he have a picture of her on Facebook?  I think people who are like this could be very insecure, as you said, like "look at me--I could get a model, or this girl came to see me in a bikini."  I mean does it make any sense that the girl would show up wearing a bikini more than once?  My exH was like this--he'd embellish things and twist the facts to the way he wanted things to be.  I got sick of it and I would call him on it if I knew he was lying.