When is the best time to....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
When is the best time to....
2
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 12:27pm
Hi everyone. Still relatively new here, and looking for advice.

Just wondering, when a guy tells you that he wants to be in a relationship with you, and wants to pursue a future, but you can only see him a couple times a week if that, when is the best time to ask him exactly HOW serious he wants this to be?

And to ask him exactly what his definition of serious is? Of course I think we all deserve to have answers, but I know already that I can be a pushy and forward person, which he knows too. But I don't want him to feel like I'm putting him under the microscope either. This particular guy is a very visual person, not a verbal person, if that makes sense. He would rather create things to show his thoughts than to verbally express them. And sometimes I'm not so good at reading signs!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 12:56pm
You don't have to be a verbal person to say the following sentence or something similar "I am very serious about you, I hope we have a future together and I love you" - no signs need to be read. If he would rather buy you a huge chocolate chip cookie with "I love you" on it like miranda's boyfriend did in Sex and The City, I guess that's fine too. Non-verbal people all of a sudden find their voice when they feel compelled to convey a message. Figure out what your definition of serious is (for example, mine is that the man is interested in marriage in the near future and sees potential for me to be the one and he is not seeing anyone else) before you ask him for his.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 1:07pm
He has flat out told me that he has had feelings for me for a very long time, and wants to pursue a relationship. That came as a shock to me, since for as long as I have known him, he has never said anything remotely close to that. However, I'm not sure exactly "how much" of a relationship he wants. I know what my definitions are, but I need to know his, and do not know the appropriate way or time of asking this. I have never had to be the one to ask. But I'm not going to play games either. I have no time for that!

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