When do I give up on getting a response?
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When do I give up on getting a response?
| Wed, 06-16-2004 - 9:54pm |
4 years ago I had a 2 year relationship with a much younger man who would do anything for us to stay together, even when I thought it was best not to. At one point he made it hard because he would not let go, after we had mutually decided it would be best to do so. I wanted to remain friends, because we had a great relationship in most ways. He got mad, and wouldn't speak to me anymore. I ended up getting married, but after 2 years of emotional hell, got out. I talked to my ex boyfriend's mom, (who didn't like me at the time because of my age and "how can he carry on the family name, with someone he can't even have kids with" -- big Italian family), she confided that she had spoken with him just the week before, and he had told her he regreted our breakup. She gave me his new cell number, (he now lives in a different state, just moved about 9 months ago), told me he would love to talk to me, and to call him. I of course, thinking maybe now after all this time, we could really be friends and I could have him to at least talk to, tried calling him but got no response. I then emailed him a few times, still with no response. By now, I am upset because I thought we had meant a lot to each other, and even though we didn't end on a great note, we should still not give up our friendship. We all need someone we can talk to and we had that going for us before. I keep saying I won't contact again, but I want a response and when it is really bothering me, I end up emailing again. I know he is getting the emails. And I know he has to still care a bit. Why can't I understand what is going on and why he won't respond at all? Anyone out there want to fill me in? To me, life is too short to give up on those whom you can have a decent relationship with, friends are hard to come by, and I do still care about him very much.

You are in a "one-sided relationship"-----
Calling, emailing, snail-mailing will keep YOU busy....but not guarantee a response on the other side.
There may be an issue with the fact that you're just getting over an unsuccessful marriage. Many men don't want to be used to "cushion the fall"---and this might be the case here? Also...if his Mom and You didn't get along to begin with...what makes you think that her opinion of you has changed?
Give this one up....please?
Pianoguy
thanks for the response. It is one I expected. The deal with his mom was real at the time about her feelings of him not being able to carry on the family name...
but when we talked she expressed regret for ever treating me like she did, because she realized that she needed to just want happiness for her son, and I had made him happy.
I guess I was going all on what she said and her newfound interest in getting us to talk again seemed genuine.
You are right. I need to give it up. Maybe I am just trying BECAUSE he won't return my emails, or calls.
If he would just acknowledge, and tell me that he would like to keep it as is, with no contact, I would be able to move on without a problem. But I can't even get that!
sarahv
I think though, that I am so easy going, I have kept friendships with a few of my ex's after we have had time to get over the emotions of what ended a relationship and I shouldn't expect that others are the same as I am. Some people just move on, I try to keep everyone who means anything in my life forever. It isn't a good thing sometimes.
That is why I posted this message, because I needed people who don't even know the logistics to tell me what I really knew all along.
Thanks for the response!
It is a well deserved one and appreciated one.
sarahv
Pianoguy thinks it's terrific that your former b/f's mom has changed her viewpoint about you. That's rather unusual since Mom's often stick with their first impressions!
While you'd probably like to resuscitate the friendship that your b/f and you once had together, HE ISN'T INTERESTED. And the simple reason is....he has moved on! Going into retrograde with you would only jeopardize his present situation...as well as provide YOU with the false hope his feelings for you might eventually get stronger?
It's admirable that YOU can be a good friend to an EX-Boyfriend or 2....but most women (and men) have no desire to continue a friendship after a break-up has occurred.
Let this situation fade into the sunset as you move forward! GOOD LUCK!
Pianoguy
I accept what you say, I believe you are correct. I feel a little stupid for trying so hard when it is obvious that he is not interested.
I didn't want to resuscitate the intimate relationship, just wanted to be able to talk, try to work through any hard feelings, and really, give myself peace with that part of my life.
I know it isn't always about me, and I should consider his feelings too. I should have given it a shot once, and when I didn't get the response, left it alone. But I had this thought that if I could just get to him once, he would have to listen to me and understand why what happened, happened, and maybe we both could put it away and feel better about it.
I can't force someone else to think as I do, though.
I am taking your advice and letting it go. Thank you for helping me through this.
SarahV