when to have sex?
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when to have sex?
| Sat, 11-25-2006 - 10:25pm |
i'm interested in getting people's opinions on, in general, what amount of time is too fast to have sex with a guy in a relationship, and how long is too long to make him wait (assuming you know you want to be sexual with the guy)?

Hey there!
I've asked the same question before....
In my opinion, if you're seeing a man or woman in whom you see long term potential, I think it's wise to determine if you're truly ready to move to that level, or if you want to just enjoy getting to know the person. I'm actually seeing someone now who I've been seeing for six weeks and we have not had sex. I'm not yet ready to take things to that level because I want to be sure before I give my body and, frankly, I'm not sure yet. As I've said, this is my opinion....you do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I just think that it's wise to try to get to know a person well before you give your body to the person. I mean, what's the rush, right??
As far as your question: will having sex too soon "mess up" a relationship? Well, I don't necessarily know if it'll mess it up. If a relationship isn't meant to be, I'm not sure if the timeliness of having sex will change that. However, I do think that hasty sex could cloud your judgment, especially for us women who tend to become emotionally attached after having sex. What I'm saying is that you could begin ignoring certain behaviors that your guy may begin to exhibit, behaviors that you may not be able to tolerate. You may tolerate them because of the fact that you went ahead and had sex, and you're feeling like you're "in love" before you've really known the person.
The questions to ask are these: how long have you two been a couple? Do you feel like you know him well enough to give that part of yourself? Is this a person you could see yourself with long term?
Hope this helps.
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Nobody can answer your question with 100% of certainty. It depends on the parties. Most men will take the oportunity if it aroses. Women are concerned with messing up the deal if they sleep with the guy too soon. In my book, I wait until there is more than sexual chemestry in the picture. If sex happens only out of sexual attraction and nothing else is there the possibility of developing more than sexual chemestry is close to zero. Each time you see each other will end up involving sex. This is fine for people who like this kind of deals.
If looking for a serious relationship, it's important to get to know each other outside of the bedroom as it's in bed. Having sex too soon will not warrant you a relationship. That's why it's important to get to know the guy BEFORE jumping into bed with him. I wonder what can one know about a guy in 1 or 2+ dates? Name and number, job and residence, BUT one doesn't know about his goals and standards in life, bill of health (must be clean), relationship status (single, divorced, separated), children, EX in the picture or habits. In these days of STDs and aids it's mandatory to be careful.
If the man is truly interested and respects the woman he's dating, he'll wait till the time is right. A man pushing for sex is a man who has only one goal in his mind: getting into the woman's pants and fleeing the scene asap OR developing a FWB deal.