When is it considered a date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
When is it considered a date?
6
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 7:30pm
I went to lunch with an old boyfriend. My husband found out and became jealous, disgruntled and hard to manage for the next couple of days. I told him it was just lunch, while he called it a date. I don't want to damage my marriage but value my freedom to see friends without having to seek permission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 7:51pm

I'm not married, but honestly, I would want my boyfriend to let me know beforehand if he was going to have lunch with an ex. Especially if it's an ex who turns up suddenly. Is this an ex-boyfriend who you're now friends with? Has your husband known about him? Has he met him?

I think the subject of ex's needs to be handled with extra sensitivity. While you're not obligated to seek permission from your husband to meet an ex, I think, given the fact that you have a romantic past with this guy, you should at least let him know before you meet with him. And you should be understanding if he expresses concern or objects. Personally I'd be uncomfortable, though I wouldn't forbid my boyfriend from doing anything. He would, however, have to offer me a lot of assurance that I have nothing to worry about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 7:59pm
How would you feel if your husband went to lunch with an ex w/o telling you? Put yourself in his shoes. I agree, you don't need to ask permission but at least give him a heads-up...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 9:50pm

The fact that YOU didn't tell him sends a strong signal to him. Who are you kidding about all of this? You didn't want your husband to know about the lunch and you got caught with your pants down and are scrambling to make it appear that your husband is wrong for feeling the way he did.

You were wrong pure and simple.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 9:27pm

I agree but husbands can be jealous of old boyfriends so b e sensitive to that. In future can you mention it beforehand so it really seems like there's nothing to hide.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 10:06pm

What do you mean he "found out"? How? And why didn't you tell him upfront?

You're married -- it's no longer just you for yourself. And while you don't have to "ask permission," you do have to be honest and open with your husband and always keep him and your marriage in mind. It's your duty to make sure that he never has reason to question your fidelity (and he has the same duty to you in return). And you fail in your duty when you go out one-on-one with an ex-boyfriend without telling your husband!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 7:47pm
Independence is a good thing,but I think your husband may feel threatened. If there isn't any reason for him to worry then there shouldn't be any reason for you not to have told him you were going to go to lunch with your ex-boyfriend...Telling him in advance is not the same as asking for permission..