When is it okay to forget & date again?

Avatar for toasty95
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
When is it okay to forget & date again?
2
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 2:26pm

I broke up with my ex in May and told myself that I wouldn't date anyone again for at least the rest of the year, unless it was someone that I had considered before him.

As you know, I did try to ask out the only person that I did like, a friend of mine. (I knew I absolutely wanted to be with him after I got devirginized by my ex. All I thought about was him.) That's when he told me that he's been dating a married woman. We've liked one another for a long time, so I wondered why he never told me about it (even before I started dating my ex). (He's in a monogamous relationship with a woman cheating on her husband. *shrugs.*)
I think they've been dating for around a year now and she still hasn't divorced her husband. I told him that he deserves someone better if she wasn't willing to divorce her husband if SHE really wanted to be with him and at the end of last month, I decided to not actively (well, unconsciously) wait for him. (I didn't even knew I was until September. I really wasn't interested in being with anyone else but him. Wouldn't flirt, turned down other guys constantly. As if doing that would be "cheating on him".)

Right now, I'm trying my best to forget about him, but it's really hard. I don't think about him as much as I used to, but I still think about him and how much I'd like to be him. Yet, I hate wanting him because I want to forget about him.

I want to enjoy being single. I also want to have sex, but when I think about it, daydream, masturbate, etc, he keeps entering my head. I would at least like to stop that. It would feel good for him to please me, but I also feel disguisted at myself because I've been forcing myself not to like him anymore. When I think of him being right there trying to take me, I have this want to slap/punish me for leading me on. I feel bitter at him.

My other problem is that my ex was my first, so the only way I can describe sex is TERRIBLE. (He never took suggestion of what felt good to me and when he finally did take one, sex got better and I'm like "See? Sex is better when you do what I like!", but then he'll go back to what he thought was right.)

I just really just want to get on with my life (like a flick of a light switch). But, I haven't been able to do that and am afraid of having my 2nd sex partner being wrong. I also don't want to pick the wrong boyfriend again, once I'm ready to get back into the game. And, what makes it harder is that now more men than ever are hitting on me, wanting to date me or wanting casual sex.

I don't know what to do because I don't have any solutions that could work.

:( Everything's out of control and I don't want to have sex with someone I'd regret and I still don't know how much I still really like him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 10:33pm

Ummm, do you really want to be with someone who is having an affair with a married woman? I'd consider that a deal breaker because he would some day cheat on me. He doesn't understand how important marriage vows are.

I don't understand all of your feelings and fears from your post, but I would say to you, look for someone that will consider your heart and your feelings for the rest of your days and make sure he shares your values. If this guy can be involved with a married woman, than he's pretty much a low life commitment phobe in my eyes. Don't waste your time with him. Not a good investment.

Good luck!

Chick

Avatar for toasty95
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 7:52pm
I just not good at getting over guys that I like. I was really looking foward to having a single life until this kept going off in my mind and all these men started asking me out.