When to Move In Together?

Avatar for madame100
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
When to Move In Together?
4
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 1:09pm
My boyfriend and I are in our early 30s. We've been dating 7 months and sleep over each other's place 4 nights a week now. He loosely mentioned the idea of moving in together in the next few months (when our current leases end). I've been married once before (very briefly) and have had several other relationships to know that I feel very good about my current guy. In my last relationship, I lived with my boyfriend for six years before he proposed and we got married (there were a lot of issues!). I don't see myself waiting that long again (nor do I get the sense my boyfriend wants to wait). I want to start a family in the next few years.

My current boyfriend treats me very well, we have much in common, and I love the time we spend together. I would say there's a very good chance of us ending up together.

Is it soon to move in together? I'm not quite ready to talk marriage, though I'd like to be engaged in the next year or two.

I feel moving in together would be "right" for us, but just want a few other opinions and shared experiences.

Thanks!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 1:27pm

I've lived with two men, one of whom I married, the other one I didn't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 4:04pm
I also wouldn't move in together unless and until I were engaged. It's too messy trying to disentangle and find new places, new leases, AND break up. If I weren't sure that I wanted to marry someone, I'd keep my place until I was.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 6:33pm
moving in together is a decision to be made APART from when the lease runs out and when it's convenient...moving in together is taking the relationship up a level because that is the goal and the next natural step...not because it's a reasonable financial decision. Sounds to me like your SO's reasoning isn't quite right.

You say that your objective is marriage/children...in that case I wouldn't move in with him only because it would be that much harder to get disentangled if it didn't work out. Things are pretty intense and new right now, but it's still only the honeymoon phase of things and it won't get 'real' for another year or longer. Anything could happen in six months...let the relationship grow and get stronger before you decide anything about moving in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 8:35pm
I would not move in with a man unless we were engaged with a wedding date in the near future. There is a big difference as you know between keeping your own place and spending 4 nights a week together and moving in together.