When to say I love you

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
When to say I love you
8
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 2:42pm
When do you say I love you? Obviously after you have fallen in love and not before. But do you wait for the other person to say it? Do you just blurt it out? Wait for a "romantic" time?

I have fallen in love with my boyfriend and I just haven't broached the subject yet. I want to tell him... just haven't... I think his reaction will be good. But it is an unknown. Which makes me anxious.

Any thoughts? Any stories of how you told your significant other?

Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 3:29pm
This is an epiphany I have come to just recently. If I love someone, really love them, I own that feeling. What I mean is, me expressing my love to them should have nothing to do with "I hope they say it back". So if I love, I say "I love you".
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 12:54pm
Now that sounds all well and good, but you still didn't put any kind of timeframe on the question. Infatuation can feel like love, so how long do you have to let it simmer to be sure ??? I can only speak for myself, but I'm ready for it after the first real kiss ... or at least want to hear "I think I could be falling in love with you" after the first good smooch.... but then again, what do I know.....
Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 1:01pm
From one hopeless Leo to another...When you feel it and arent questioning it, I guess then it would be OK to say. Who can put a timeframe on that? Everyone runs at a different speed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 1:30pm
It's called the "L" word and hushed for a reason... it scares some people. I have bit my tongue until it bled (figuratively) to avoid saying it too soon and scaring a girl off because I'm a hopeless romantic and fear that she would think I don't mean it and am just trying to trick her.
Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 1:33pm
You know my theory? You cant scare off the right person...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 1:40pm
Thanks (even though I just kinda hijacked this thread). I certainly have no special insight to women, maybe alot think like you and I am part of the problem with men taking so long to say it ?!?!? I hope you are right, if nothing else it give me hope for when I inevitably will blurt it out when I feel it is too soon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 2:38pm
being a "hopeless romantic" is a sweet thing and yet i got the feeling from your post that it seems you've felt the desire to say "i love you" somewhat frequently?...and IF that is true than i totally agree that would "scare" some females off...i want the man who loves me to be oh soo discriminating and sure it is *me* that inspires him to say he is in love and not simply his being a hopeless romantic who seems to like to say "L" stuff...what i mean is, i'd find it flattering and endearing ONLY if i knew the guy was sincere and had given deep thought to his feelings before prematurely blurting out he loves me when in fact he could be infatuated with me....can you see the discomfort some women would feel to get the impression you have often imagined yourself in love?...it wouldn't seem special to realize our man has bit his tongue sooo many times to stall saying that to a woman...do you wonder if perhaps you confuse love with infatuation? or do you wonder if you fall in love too fast? and do you wonder if women are correct to worry that such sweettalk from you isn't very special or sincere?

honey

and ps, you blurting out you loved me would not mean i'd fear you were tricking ME, if you were my boyfriend i would worry you were trying to trick yourself if i felt you were rushing into wanting to be in love...what could the rush be?...a woman would be wise to fear she will be hurt or to worry she will hurt you if you come on so strong...when i hear "i love you" that means the man is commiting to me on a very real level and its not a game to be played so as to enjoy romanticism.

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 3:54pm
Insightful, but more vinegar than honey. You misread me entirely, I can only hope that someone can gain from my bashing. So I'll volunteer for more.

If anything I was looking for insight as to why, if you value the word, should you feel compelled to withhold it for a certain mythical amount of time according to the "dating rules". Or.... am I right and it is appropriate any time after the first real kiss ?

Just trying to figure out the proper procedure with everyone else...