when to say those 3 words?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
when to say those 3 words?
7
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 4:08pm
I know that there isn't really a time frame on saying "I love you," but is there such a thing as saying it too soon. And I've always been told I'll know when the time is right because I'll feel it. But how am I supposed to 'know' if I haven't felt it before? I would like some friendly advice on this important topic, so if you have any, I'm open to suggestions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 8:07am

sara6241...

PG thinks the only time to say those 3 little words is when YOU ABSOLUTELY MEAN THEM!

Men and women often say them out of "reflex" instead of LOGIC! And afterwards, start asking themselves: "Why did I tell him/her that I LOVE HIM?"

Something else to keep in mind. Just because you have strong feelings for somebody doesn't mean those feelings will be MATCHED by the person you like? So if you choose to say the words...prepare yourself in advance for a response that you might not be expecting?

.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 09-04-2005 - 12:46am
When you do, you'll know. I am currently involved in the most whirlwind (but also the sanest and most right) relationship of my life. We've now been dating for just under three months. He first told me he loved me almost two months ago - and it still feels weird, but so good. I didn't say it back yet because I was being weird about it being too soon, but I realized I do love him too. I've done a lot of dating over the last few years and have never felt anything like this. I've been involved in long term relationships before and while I have loved them, I have never felt so loved before. This is special, and all I can say is when it happens, you know it is right. And verbalizing it just comes naturally.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2000
Sun, 09-04-2005 - 8:33am
When under the influence of MDMA.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 6:52pm

I guess it all depends on the relationship you're having. Generally, however, I like to wait until I can really really feel it. And until it becomes so unbearable that I just HAVE to say it. My ex and I were together for 3 years but it took one whole year for us to say to each other "I love you". And when it happened it was truly magical. For months beforehand, though, I was agonising over the fact that I so wanted to tell him how I felt but I was afraid of his response. In the end he was the one who came forward with it first. I was so taken aback that I couldn't say anything and started crying. The relationship didn't work out but despite that I know that that moment was true and this is one nice memory I can still keep.

In all other relationships I've had the words were said much earlier in the piece. But I don't even remember those moments now. It feels like they were not true although I know I did eventually love those other men too.

Personally, I don't trust men who tell me they love me after a month or two of knowing me. How can you really love someone so soon? You're still infatuated. You're still getting to know each other. You are still at your best behaviour.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 10:03pm

i agree. i've been reading a lot on this board and a few others about girls (mostly) wanting to know then the right time is or how to tell him or how they know if he loves her back and it's kinda shocking to see that ppl are writing that after 2 or 3 months they already know that what they have is love. maybe i'm just skeptical that you truly don't know if you love someone for real after 2 months. i dont care if you see the person every day or once a week i believe you don't know.

but going back to the op, i think you can say it too soon and it's my belief that it puts pressure on the relationship. what if the other person isn't feeling that or they haven't let themself in the relationship as much as you have? what if it's 80/20 and although they may enjoy your company they don't love you. in that case saying it too soon may put pressure on the guy, on your relationship. doesn't it hurt to tell someone you love them and have them say "thank you"?? just wondering.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 10:28pm

How long have you been dating? And has he said it yet? CAll me old fashioned but I think the guy should say it first. Also, you really will know when it feels like love. There's a warm glow, a sense of closeness, trust, giggling, comfort, etc.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 10:45pm
We have been dating for 4 months now. We live an hour apart because we go to different schools; he's 2 years younger than me. We've both said I love you in emails and when we IM one another, we also have said it on the phone--but not in a serious context (I don't think). So, we've kinda said it, kinda not. I feel totally comfortable around him, sometimes I want to hide stuff from him, but I don't. And anything he doesn't really want to tell me because he's concerned how I might react to his news, he still ends up telling me because he can't tell me "no" or lie to me. He loves to surprise me and be around me all the time. I feel the exact same way about him. Whenever we're together, we hate being interrupted by anyone, even if we were just watching a movie or something. He always put me first, even when things are going wrong for him--he wants to make sure I'm doing ok all of the time, no matter how many problems he's having at that point in time.