When is sex too soon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
When is sex too soon?
3
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 1:40am
OK. I have a great guy on the line here. Or, I think I do at least. He's smart and well-travelled, and lots of the things I'm looking for in another person. He stares at me when I'm talking and has this beautiful googly-eyed look like he's amazed by me (come on girls, we all like that!). And he's attracted to me physically. Very attracted. Which is the rub. How soon is it too soon to have sex with a new person? I'm newly single (after ending a 13 year relationship/engagement this May), and I've dated several guys, but haven't had sex with anyone new. I'm not exactly sure about how dating works, I suppose. :) Any ideas?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 6:04am
Do YOU want to have sex with him?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 10:28am

There are so many factors, it's impossible to give a one size fits all answer.

What are you looking for? A fling? Then it's never too "soon", LOL, unless you are like most women who get emotionally attached through sex even if they don't intend to.

If you're looking for a more serious relationship, and/or you get attached through sex, then IMO it's best to wait until you've spent a fair amount of time with the person, over time, and have learned at least a bit about what they are really like and what their character is. For me, that's generally at least 6-8 weeks of dating 1-3 times a week. I've found that if I have sex with someone sooner, I get attached and then I seem to lose my ability to judge character, etc. and end up ignoring red flags and trying to make the relationship work even though it's clearly wrong for me. But that's me...not everyone is like that, obviously.

So IMO the best answer is found by knowing yourself and knowing what you want.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 8:18pm
I'm not sure if I'm the one to give any advice but, I'll try... Communication is the key but, it takes the romance out of the first-time sex though. Do you have the feeling that he will stay around? Talk about another couple and get an idea of what he thinks is too soon or get his feeling on the issue of sex. If you are not ready for sex, in this crazy world, just continue to be intersted in him (hold his hand or touch his arm as you talk)but somehow not be clingy. Maybe just be honest and tell your fears of sex being too soon or too late... HMMMM
R