When to stop dating more than one

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
When to stop dating more than one
13
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 12:17pm
Hi.....Iv'e been dating many nice ladies but no real relationships for about 3 months now.....I recently met someone who I am really into and it is different than all the rest and who could turn into a lasting relationship..I also am meeting someone for a second date who is also a wonderful person but not on the same level as yet as the prior lady..but close ..They both really like me by the way......I am a little confused because I am not used to dating two who I feel a strong attraction toward..................When is it right to just give in to one and only one? Or should I?......Neither one has said they prefer I only date them....P.S. No sex as yet with either....but that could change soon with the first......Am I over-THINKING myself here...............I have a tendency to do that!!! HELP REQUIRED.....I do not want to hurt either one....I am very honest and upfront...Any Advise from the ladies out there as to how I should proceed..............THANKS

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 1:05pm
Before you make your decision you need to find out how the sex is. The chemistry has to be right. Date both for a little while, enjoy and don't get ahead of yourself. Most of all don't get caught. There will one girl you like more than the other. Have fun, but play for keeps. You don't want to pick the wrong girl. When you decide which girl you want, make sure you leave things on good terms with the other. You never know. Good Luck!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 1:17pm
Oh,,,I see ,,then its Ok....I thought maybe it was wrong to bed two at a time...I guess I'm old fashioned...You see after 30 years in a marriage.. Now getting out there...Well anyway...I'm sorta new to this...THANKS
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 1:17pm

For me personally, I stop dating other people when one person I'm dating really starts to stand out as a good match for me over the other people. But even if this happens early on, I prefer not to commit to exclusivity until I've been dating the person regularly for at least 6-8 weeks. That's because it takes a while to start to get to know the person well enough to begin to have an inkling of whether they are really who and how I might perceive them to be.

I wait to have sex until I've decided I know the guy well enough to commit to dating him exclusively, but that's a personal decision...you have to decide what you're comfortable with. Be aware, though, that some people (probably more women than men) will assume that if you sleep together, you are automatically exclusive, so to avoid misunderstandings, it's best to discuss expectations before you sleep together, IMO.

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 1:23pm

I responded to you before reading the other response...I personally would not be comfortable with being "road tested" like that. If you are going to do that, definitely be clear that you're not exclusive before you sleep together.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 1:33pm
I am secondign what Sherie said: I'd hate it if I knew a guy was road-testing me... While I don't judge people who do it (and some of my friends have advised me to do the same with guys), I don't think I'd be happy if it happened to me. Of course, feel free to do as you wish, but do be honest with the ladies: not necessarily telling them you are sleeping with another woman (or want to do it), but that you are not exclusive, and even though you want physical intimacy, this will not mean that you will be exclusive: that way she can take it or leave it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 1:35pm
Northwestern;;;Thanks I agree... communication should start before sex...It's just a little tough right now because these two have come in kind of at the same time....But it's not a bad position for me obviously....But I want to do it right...THANKS
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 2:19pm

HOLY COW!!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 6:41pm
I think if a man is having sex with a woman he is dating and is also dating other women he is a total skank. I think a woman would have to have really low self-esteem to date a guy who is in a sexual relationship with another woman. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 07-29-2006 - 10:02am
No one is pressuring you to make a decision and it sounds like you are being honest. When you really feel more leanings toward one (i.e.:
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Sat, 07-29-2006 - 10:50am
Well Date: Your advise is right-on..I agree with you..Communication is key....As for being a "skank" well that's not me..........I went out with the second one last night.. Our second date..I explained my situation with the other lady.She understands..but she seems to be in a little war over me.I'm a little touchy feely kinda guy so after much kissing we hit off..However I don't feel the same attraction as I do the first.......SOOOOOOOOOO anyway as I said this weekend will tell the tale as I am going out tonight and tomorrow with number one.........A little talk could be in the offing with her.....I have a feeling she is about to ask about exclusivity...And yes we are leaning towards intimacy.....Thank you ladies all for the advise!! ...It's great to get the female side!!!.....Some male friends by the way do feel it is Ok to keep many "on the string"...I am uncomfortable with that...Bye

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