when to turn down a date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
when to turn down a date?
9
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 8:57pm
I am so confused with dating games which i know are essential yet i am a klutz at them.
Could someone tell me what is the cut-off period to say yes to a date? like if he calls in the evening and asks if i happen to be free for a movie later.. i should say no right?
(i will say yes to a jus a fren but NO to a guy i am interested in)
what if he is really busy? Are all last min dates to be said 'no' to? i would love to say i have a busy & really exciting dating life... but sad to say, nope. sometimes i would just like to say yes to a last min date but i know it's a no-no, makes me look cheap, easy, too available etc etc...
some advice on this dating games pls?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 9:19pm
I think its common courtesy to ask us out in advance - like at least a couple of days in advance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 1:12am

Although it is common courtesy to ask for a date a couple days in advance so you have time to get ready for it, it doesn’t always work out that way. I think that if you are interested and turn him down because you want to try to play games…. You’ll be the one missing out!

If he calls, and you are available, and want to go out with him, Go out with him! Don't play games unless you like sitting home alone.

JMHO…..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 2:13am
hmmm.. i thot that way too, jus want to hear from e rest of u coz i am so lousy at this dating game.
so far, i turned him down coz i had something on, not coz i purposely wanted to 'play hard to get'. i don't like games either.. but so many r'ship expert books out there encourage this games so that women will be better valued. sigh.
there are 'theories' from how to attract guys (which i tink is the easy part) but the part which will make the attraction last to become a LT r'ship dat lasts is tough.
guys seem to get bored easily. or complacent when the girl agrees to be his gf.
it's a thin line bet being unavailable-coz-i-got-a-life & playing-hard-to-get.
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 6:53am

Hey, I'm glad you were able to turn him down because you had something going on! Good for you!

My take: I think it's OK to accept a last minute invitation. HOWEVER, if he always calls at the last minute, then I'd start to be unavailable. I think last-minute date invitations are OK in your early twenties, but as a man gets older, I expect him to mature.

I'm reminded of a line from an article I read many years ago that I saved: "Let him feel strong, courageous, generous. Men will give you whatever you ask of them. Ask much."

If a man isn't willing to jump a little for your love in the beginning, he'll never do it later.

p.s. I think the antidote to "playing hard to get" is to have a full life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 11:08am
this is a tough one. I am probably older than you (mid 40's) so I would say not to make it a habit. If you want to do something spur of the moment once, go ahead, but if you make it a habit, then he will accept that as how you want to always be treated. So proceed with caution.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 3:08pm

Oh yes, I agree!! Being unavailable because you really do have other plans is a good thing. If it were me, I would tell him, “I really would have liked to go out with you tonight, but I’ve already made other plans. Can we set something up *now* for another night?”

The dating “games” are so hard on us sometimes…but I‘m sure there is good reason for many of them. You just have to bend the rules a bit sometimes to make them work for your situation.

Good luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 3:13pm
Don't agree to go if he calls last minute, late at night!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 8:33pm
Please tell me how attracting guys is "easy"? Any pointers would be great because I suck at it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 12:38pm

<< I am so confused with dating games which i know are essential yet i am a klutz at them. >>

Actually, playing games isn't essential. What is *essential* is just being yourself! (trite, but true!)

<< i would love to say i have a busy & really exciting dating life... but sad to say, nope. >>

The poster who said the antidote to playing games is having a full life was SPOT ON! Best advice I've heard all day.

<< sometimes i would just like to say yes to a last min date but i know it's a no-no, makes me look cheap, easy, too available etc etc... >>

If you really want to say yes ... then, say "YES!" and go. However, if you do not want a pattern of last-minute invites to be set, then ... be clear at that time that while you just HAPPENED to be free that night, that in the future, you'd appreciate a little more notice and let him know what type of notice you'd like. If he continues to call/invite last minute ... then, you might just want to cut bait.

My advice: go on the date, but set the expectation of being asked in advance, in the future. I do NOT agree with any advice that states "just start being more unavailable" ... that IS playing games, and doesn't include simply taking responsibility and ASKING for what you want by attempting to set an expectation.