When will I heal?
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When will I heal?
| Wed, 07-14-2004 - 8:11pm |
I am 30 years old, never married no children. I have spent most of my time in relationships with the WRONG men. I mean needy, using liars. Just recently (a month), I have met this really great man. In the past month, we've seen each other quite a bit. MY problem is that all my insecurities, gained from past relationships, are effecting us. I get upset when he's too busy. I always think there's other women. I try not to let him see my insecurities but he can sense them, and always wants to talk them out. I am really upset with myself that I cant trust him, he's done nothing wrong. In the back of my mind, I just dont want to be surprised by anything, I think if I expect the worst I wont be as hurt WHEN it happens. He has been really supportive, but I am pushing him away. He will only take so much, we havent known each other that long. I just need to tips on how to deal with my insecurities and keep him in my life.
Jennifer

i suppose i'm not being very helpful. just give it some time and explain to him that you have some insecurities due to past relationships and that it will take you some time to move past them and learn to trust again. (trust is a precious thing, dont give it out too readily...believe me)
if this relationship is meant to be...it'll work out. just keep puttin forth your best effort and try to stay positive. and remember, communicate with your man. they're extremely stupid and completely retarded when it comes to women. they're immature too. they dont handle things the way we do and need to be told exactly what it is you want them to know. they're too stupid to figure out that you saying you loooove roses means you'd like him to give you one sometime. you have to actually say "i'd like you to give me a rose...no better yet, just give me some money and i'll go get it for myself you lazy bum"
noticing a little resentment? this isnt healthy i'm only 18 and i hate men! agggh.
anyway....just because i'm young doesnt mean i dont know what i'm talking about. take my advice for what its worth...and remember...no matter who you get advice from-you're going to have to do all the work and make the final decision yourself. and its scary. good luck.
My word of advice would be to seek counselling. Look into a therapist, you won't need a psychiatrist that costs lots of money, just someone (not your boyfriend) that can help you deal with these insecurities. This guy is NOT the other men you had in your life. He seems to care enough to help you work through this. Keep seeing him, but let him know that you are working with a therapist to get over some of the trust issues you have. He should be glad you want to get help and not just push him away.
Also start a journal and write down all the past let downs in there so you can get them off your chest. I found that this worked for me in helping me heal a lot. I too was the same way after my split with my son's dad- that any guy that said "I'll call you" my reply was "yeah, right". Took me a long time to learn to bite my tongue and see that the new guy wasn't my ex. You can keep your eyes open for the signs to avoid the same pain, but you can't assume that everyone is the same.
Being honest with yourself and this new guy will help. Find the therapist to help you get over the PAST, but work with this new guy to build the present relationship.
Jennifer
j7hope@aol.com
Jennifer,
I too, was in your boat for many years. Did not trust any man for any reason and I always built a wall and in the end sabotaged the relationship, and found a way to end EVERY relationship in my life.