when your friend likes the same guy
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| Fri, 08-13-2004 - 12:21pm |
One thing I do know about her is that she likes to play the field, and is interested in many different men. I'm pretty particular about who I date, and am shy to boot, so don't often approach men unless I'm really drawn to them.
I've had this sort of thing ruin a friendship before....a good friend was interested in a man who was interested in me. He asked her for my number but she wouldn't give it to him, and still tried to date him. We all went to a bar together and he asked me for my number at the bar when she was in the bathroom. He called me and I told him that he needed to be honest with my friend about his intentions. When she found out he'd been calling me she was livid (I didn't tell her right away). I wound up telling the guy that I couldn't date him, and told my friend that she was more important to me. Well, he still wanted to be friends with me, and I thought that would be OK, so we made a date to play frisbee. When I told my friend about the date, because I wanted to be honest with her, she made a big angry scene, and wouldn't speak to me for 3 months. At this point we're not friends and I'm still without a boyfriend.
So, what to do? Should I tell my friends "hey, I"m interested in this guy, leave him alone?" If a friend knows you're interested in someone who is more interested in you, should they back off or should you? I don't want to ruin my friendships, but I'm also sick of being single.

Pianoguy suggests you both get up before sunrise and fight a duel. You could toss frisbees at 20 paces to each other---until one of you misses the catch!
Seriously...the man is probably flattered by the attention you both have for him, but unless he makes a 'serious' choice between you or your friend, he can date as many women as he wishes! And this would probably make Miss "I'm gonna play the field" back off?
Perhaps this is a choice between a good friendship and a cool boyfriend? Which is more important to you?
Pianoguy
I'm sure the guy is either loving all the attention or has no clue. No guy is worth fighting over. I won't look at a guy twice if someone I know says they like him or have dated him, but that's just me. Even if I did like him, I would back off.
Maybe what you should do is sit down with this girl and tell her how you feel about this guy. Let her know that you are aware of her interest in the guy as well. Then ask how she would feel if you were to ask the guy on a date, and let her know how you would feel if SHE asked him out. If she says that she wouldn't be upset about you asking him out, that's great. But you would also know that if she changed her mind and DID get upset, you had brought the issue up before hand, so there's nothing else you could do.
Who knows, you may both ask him out and he turns you BOTH down.