Where am I standing in this relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Where am I standing in this relationship
5
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 6:18pm
I have dated a guy for more than a month. We have known each other for more than a year, but we just started dating last month. Before dating, we used to go out for lunch together once a week because we worked at the same place. Last month, we started dating out. We went to movies, dinners and I can say that 'dating'. But right now, I am so confused about this relationship and I don't know where I am standing. We do not see each other every week, instead 3 weeks apart.

First date we went out the weekend before Valentine. Then he sent flowers and heart-shape ballon on Valentine, but he never called me to talk on Valentine Day. I called him to say 'thank you' for the flowers but he returned the call 4 days later. Then 3 weeks later he called me and invited me out for dinner. We went out the second time. We went to have dinner and movies again. He treated me nicely for these dates ( I can say that).

However, he does not call me any days in the week. I think that he intends not seeing me every weekend and even not calling me. It has been the second week since last time I met him (second time last time), but I have never recieved any calls from him. We work at the same building, but never email or see each other after we started dating. We talked like friends before that. But thing has been changed since the day we started dating.

Please advise me why he does not call me and does not see me every weekend. Can I define that a 'boyfriend and girlfriend relationship'? Is he interested in me? Should I continue going on this relationship or just give up? I am really interested in him, but I don't know why he is acting like that. Should I give myself another chances and wait for this relationship is developing? should I discuss this with him? I think that I am not comfortable to discuss with him about our relationship because the relationship has not progressed well enough. I appreciate your advices. Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 6:47pm
The way it has always worked for me is when a man, no matter how busy, is interested in dating me, he calls me at least once a week to make a plan for a date at least once a week - if a week goes by it is because he is out of town but he generally will check in with me. When I first started dating my last long term bf, between date two and three there was over a week because I had a business trip and a ski trip. when I returned from the ski trip he wanted to see me ASAP because he didn't want to break the continuity of getting to know each other - while I do not believe in seeing someone new more than twice a week, if it is less than once a week or every ten days then nothing can really develop in the way of a relationship. I especially fiind it odd that he took 4 days to return your thank you call. My guess is he is dating others and probably took someone else out for V-day which is fine - you are not exclusive - but he is not that interested in seeing if a relationship can develop. I would continue to date him but keep your heart protected and date others as well and do not accept last minute invites.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 11:51pm
I agree with Deena. I think he is seeing others, which is fine, but you need to realize that at least right now, he is not very serious about you. I think you should continue to see others too. If you want to talk labels, no you are not boyfriend and girlfriend. You've been on two dates, right? To me that is just barely getting to know each other. No matter how long you've known each other as friends/co-workers, as a date you hardly know him.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 11:59pm

Hello rabitjoin, welcome to the board!


Where are you standing? Pretty much on the outside looking in and holding a handfull of hope and confusion.


What yo have is a relationship of convenience... He calls you or sees you when it is convenient for him. Is he seeing others? Maybe, maybe not. What you do know is that he is not seeing you except once in a while.


Now, I would think, since you have known him for a year, that you should feel at least comfortable enough to talk to him about these things. Don't take something simple and make it complicated here. Talk to him... ask him...


What you do know is that you do not have a commited exclusive relationship. If that is your desire then you are going to have to talk to him to find out where you stand with him. He is the only one who knows...


tg

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 10:57am
Boyfriend and girlfriend? NO! He could be seeing other people or he may be conflicted as to what he really wants with you. The Valentine's Day stuff sounds like that if it makes any sense at all. I wouldn't do all that stuff for Valentine's Day if I was just fooling around. But hey what do I know?

I would ask him up front what is going on next time you see him. If he's playing you, better to find out, and then you can dial down the enthusiasm about ten notches unless you're a masochist. If he's got cold feet, you can try to reassure him. Or maybe it's something completely different. Anyhow, you'll feel better to find out.

Seeing others? Seeing other people yourself? Where do people find all those other people to ask them out, or to ask out, or the time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 7:51pm
I agree with what you said. That was what I thought too. I doubted that he took someone out on V'Day and he did not return call to me. I have still not heard from him since this is the third week we have not seen each other. I don't plan to call him. What do you think? I think no matter busy he is, he still can have 2-5 minutes to call me, right unless he does not want to.

Thanks a lot for your advices.