Where do I fit into this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Where do I fit into this?
2
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 10:38am
A little over five months ago I met a guy and girl at a great concert. I noticed that the guy and I were attracted to each other immediately, but I couldn't act upon it because I thought the girl was his girlfriend. Later on in the evening I found out they were 'just friends'.

So the guy and I met up a couple of days later and had a little impromptu date. He revealed to me that the girl was actually his ex wife and they were just hanging out together. I thought it was kind of strange but thought he was probably very mature to have that sort of friendly relationship with his ex. (They were only married for a little over a year and she left him).

So about five months have gone by and he and I have become quite close and intimate toghether. Everything would be fabulous if I didn't know that he is actually still grieving his ex and is going through a great deal of pain. I want to be there for him and give him the support I know he needs, but I feel like I'm being used. I know he loves me on a deep level, but how can I really exist with him while he's still finalizing his divorce and trying to heal himself with her still in the picture?

Recently I've told him to give me space. I kind of feel that I should just end things completely, but knowing how great we are together makes me feel that I'll be throwing away a great love.

So, honestly, without much experience in situations like this I need some advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 2:50pm
whiskey sour...

You've asked for "a little space"----so the answer probably boils down to HOW MUCH and FOR HOW LONG?

Pianoguy isn't suggesting that an EX husband and wife can't do an occasional social thing every now and then....as FRIENDS! BUT...when most couples END a marriage or a relationship...THEY END IT! They usually don't communicate or socialize...they move on!

See what happens over the next 2 weeks. If the man calls you...arrange a place and a time to have dinner...so you each can "voice your concerns!" If you end up hearing a lot less from HIM during the next 2 weeks, it's probably because he doesn't want to make the choice of swapping any of his attention for THE EX...as an exchange for a full-time commitment to you!

I hope things work in your favor?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 10:10am
Thanks for the advice Pianoguy. I am happy to report that last night we ended up getting together to talk things out a bit. Turns out he feels as strongly for me as I do for him. He said these things without me even having to ask any questions, it all just came out naturally. We're not going to be naive about things though, we both don't know what we'll end up being with each other (a couple, friends, lovers etc...) but one thing is for sure: we want to be with one another indefinatley. As for the ex, I've met her a couple of times on friendly grounds and I know that all she wants is to be free of the past and end things on good terms with him. It feels good to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks!