where do i go from here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
where do i go from here?
6
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 9:02pm
Ok, I'm at my wit's end. I dont know what to do anymore. My boyfriend moved to another city the day of our 1 yr anniversary. I still had one more year of highschool so we decided to do the long distance thing. After all, we were only 1 1/2 hours apart and in love. Well he'd get mad that I didnt go visit him (parents wouldnt let me, they're good parents) and he couldnt come see me much cuz he had to work or save his money and couldnt afford to drive home. So here we are lonely, upset, and apart.

Well, then he started getting really jealous of me spending time with my guy friends (who he introduced me to in the first place, wouldnt even know them if it werent for him) Anyway he started to not trust me at all. Was convinced I was cheating on him. We fought a lot but managed to stay together and I moved in about a month ago...fresh out of high school. I knew it was dumb but he wanted me here so bad.

Well the day after I moved in I found he'd not only been lookin at porn on the internet (which he knows i'm against any form of porn) he PAID to be a member of one of those adult singles websites where you join just to find someone for sex. He was not only lookin at other girls, he was emailing them! Offering them sex. When confronted he said he started it when he thought I was cheating on him. He was going to cheat on me. He claims he never actually did though because he loves me and doesnt want to lose me.

Now he admits to commenting on other girls with his friends.

I just feel totally disrespected, unappreciated, and taken for granted. I missed him sooo much while we were apart. I cried all the time, day and night, because I missed him. I'd never intentionally hurt him and that's just what he was going to do to me. He was going to cheat just to hurt me.

Well I forgave him for all that. We were apart, its difficult, we're young, we were fighting. It's done with. But it still hurts so bad every time I think about it. And every time I think about him saying "thats a nice ass" or "check out her boobs" to his friends about another girl I get mad and hurt. I'm his girlfriend, he shouldnt be lookin at any other girls lustfully, ya know? What do I do? Am I overreacting? Should I leave him? I'm not even 19 yet...and here I am living with my boyfriend in a city where I know nobody trying to find a job and pay for this apartment and start college soon. Any advice...I'm very very lost. Please help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 10:05pm
batman 4 ever...

Pianoguy realizes it's hindsite...but moving in with this man straight out of high school was kind of dumb! Granted...you're in love with him...but are you ready to "shut yourself off from the rest of the world" for a man who obviously isn't going to be 100% faithful to you?

There are some men who enjoy internet porn (Pianoguy is NOT among the group) and apparently your b/f is a charter member of the Internet T&A Club!

At 18...and getting ready for some great times in college...get the hell out of this guy's place NOW! Give yourself enough time to breathe and experience the next few years. Not only will you find college a great upper...you're gonna discover some VERY TERRIFIC GUYS in a few of your classes.

Unhappy co-habitation with ANYBODY isn't fun...so ESCAPE the unpleasantness before the next semester begins. You can do this...I KNOW IT!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 12:11pm
You need to move home. This guy is not the love of your life. He's mean, manipulative and controlling. He doesn't care about you and how you feel. He was pushing you from the second he moved away. You should be able to be free to see who you want when you want. No man can tell you that you cannot hang out with a friend. And any guy that thinks they can should have something coming. You were not cheating on him, yet he was so convinced that instead of breaking off the relationship, he decided to GET YOU BACK. So now you only have his WORD that he didn't do anything. His actions are speaking volumes here.

You are too young to go through this sort of thing. Start off on a good foot. Go home and be happy. Break it off with this guy who is only going to drag you down and beat your soul. No one has a right to treat you like garbage. No one has a right to control you. No one has a right, except your parents when you're young, to tell you what you can and cannot do.

This guy has now dragged you away from your support system. Leave him and go back home. If you're enrolled in the college there, just enroll in the college close to home. Some guys will do everything they can to alienate the woman from her friends and family so that they can convince the woman that they alone care for the woman. You don't need any guy controlling your life. Go home, enroll in college, get a part time job and have fun in your college years! Live it up, hang out with your girlfriends, date a bunch of guys.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 12:19pm
Please go home.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 1:52pm


LET GO, MOVE OUT, MOVE ON, HAVE FUN!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 1:57pm
Hmmm..let me tell you a little story about a gal I work with who's situation was a carbon copy of yours when she was your age (18). The LDR in high school, porn, adult phone chat, "getting her back was his goal, she moved in with him after high school too. Went to college and tried to work and help pay for the apt...then it was his new car, his toys and she got so stressed she couldn't stay in school and keep up with his bills. Fast forward two years (she's 20 now) and they get married..she gets a job as my secretary instead of being a pharmacist like she wanted to. Now fast forward 3 years (she's 23), she's 3 months pregnant with twins, and he just left her for one of those gals with the nice boobs. This could be you in 7 years hon....get out, go to college and live your life...not his. Good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 11:15pm
i'd like to just thank all of you for your input and if anyone else has anything to say i'd like to hear it. i'm just scared, ya know? of everything. and it hurts.