Where do we stand???? Advice needed!
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Where do we stand???? Advice needed!
| Fri, 06-11-2004 - 11:14am |
I've been seeing this guy for about a month now, and I've fallen for him big time. It's hard at this point...I'm trying to stay rational about it all because it is so early, yet I really can't help how I feel. At the same time, I'm not sure where he stands. I'm not looking for a proclamation of love, but it would be nice to know simply if he's still as interested as he was a month ago and if this is still something he wants to pursue. I know what most people are going to say, that I just need to give it time, that the relationship is still young, etc. I just need to know. I don't want to be led on as a casual, somebody to do something with kinda person for several months, me thinking it's something, if in reality it's not. I don't want to throw myself in front of hurt like that. So yea, I guess what I'm asking is, can I ask this at this point and, if so, how?

It sounds like you have been physically intimate with this guy (maybe not but it might explain why you've bonded to him so much in such short of time). Now you are panicking b/c you don't want to be sleeping with someone in a casual r/ship...and I don't blame you. BUT...see my advice above. You should have been CLEAR and HONEST with this guy about it BEFORE you slept with him. What does a physically intimate r/ship mean to you? What are your expectations around that? (ie, monogamy? exclusivity? etc)
I would try to take a step back either way tho. You are right in your instincts that at this point, you have no guarantees and you are taking a risk. You bet. Thats what falling in love is all about, isn't it? But I doubt at this point you have enough information about him to know whether he is worth it or not. Make him earn your love and your trust. Thats the best way to minimize the risk (there are NEVER any gurantees tho).
So, I would have that conversation with him. It's a little harder to do it in general terms at this point, but do your best to make it clear that that's the answer you're looking for. Something like, "hey, we never talked about what type of relationship each of us is looking for. I'm looking for with a guy who's right for me. How about you?"
Then, if you establish that you're on the same page with what you're looking for, all you can ask at this early stage is that he not have eliminated you as a candidate for that type of r'ship, and that he do you the courtesy of letting you know if he ever gets to that point.
Sheri