Where'd The Heck Did He Go!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Where'd The Heck Did He Go!
5
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 7:55pm

I met this guy online. We've gone on about 4 or 5 dates and it's been great. He treats me like a queen! Ever since the day we exchanged numbers, we chat everyday. He brought me a big bouquet of flowers on our 1st date. On our 2nd date, he surprised me by buying me a beautiful bracelet which i showed him that i liked in a store that we looked in. He's always wanting to buy me stuff and making plans to take me places in the future. The last time we hung out he mentioned that he wanted to make plans to hang out on Superbowl Sunday. On tuesday, i noticed a change in his texts and he even seemed to have a slight attitude with me. Then wed, we didn't speak at all except for when he texted me a pic of something he knew would make me laugh and i replied. That was the extent of our contact. Thurs, i didn't hear from him at all and so far today i haven't heard from him again. This is very unusual since he really seemes to be so into me and we usually talk everyday. Is this just him pulling away? Should I just wait it out and see what happens? I'm so thrown for a loop.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 7:50am

donnakny24 wrote:
<p>No, i didn't say anything to him out of the ordinary that i can remember. He just moved here about 2 months ago and i was trying to help him get a better job since i work in HR. He emailed me his resume to help him, i made some minor corrections, showed it to him and asked him if it looked good and he agreed. During that time he also sent me a pic that he said he would send me. It was of him the day before on his friends boat. I was a pic of his feet on the boat on the water so I was making fun to make him laugh which i always do. But this time, he got an attitude and was like "wait, why are you making fun of my pics. I said i'd take some from the water which i did and it shows me relaxing loser" I responded "i was only kidding, relax. Thank you for the pic, geeze". That's when i felt something was off because he never gets like that. The last thing we talked about was him making the corrections to his resume and him sending it back to me. He never did. The next day, he sent me a pic message of something we share as an inside joke. He knew i'd crack up so i'm sure that's why he sent it to me and i replied "LMAO". That was the last thing i said to him. I don't get it!</p>

 For him to go that far off and call you a "loser" because he couldn't take some teasing is a red flag.  The fact that you'd done this before and he had no issues with it and now he flips into this meanness is quite troubling.  Maybe he's bi-polar. Who knows?  That just seems like such an extreme, "kill a gnat with a sledgehammer" kind of a response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 02-02-2013 - 12:22pm

I think JT hit the nail on the head here.  You've only gone on 4-5 dates so normally you wouldn't be thinking of this as a relationship since you're just starting to get to know the guy.  But he started off too intensely by buying you things, having daily contact & talking about the future that he sucked you in to thinking that he really liked you--who wouldn't feel that way?  So it's not your fault but now he is backing off.  I think that not contacting him is best--maybe after being apart for a while he will miss you & try to resume contact.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Sat, 02-02-2013 - 11:35am

No, i didn't say anything to him out of the ordinary that i can remember. He just moved here about 2 months ago and i was trying to help him get a better job since i work in HR. He emailed me his resume to help him, i made some minor corrections, showed it to him and asked him if it looked good and he agreed. During that time he also sent me a pic that he said he would send me. It was of him the day before on his friends boat. I was a pic of his feet on the boat on the water so I was making fun to make him laugh which i always do. But this time, he got an attitude and was like "wait, why are you making fun of my pics. I said i'd take some from the water which i did and it shows me relaxing loser" I responded "i was only kidding, relax. Thank you for the pic, geeze". That's when i felt something was off because he never gets like that. The last thing we talked about was him making the corrections to his resume and him sending it back to me. He never did. The next day, he sent me a pic message of something we share as an inside joke. He knew i'd crack up so i'm sure that's why he sent it to me and i replied "LMAO". That was the last thing i said to him. I don't get it!

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Sat, 02-02-2013 - 11:02am

donnakny24 wrote:
<p>I met this guy online. We've gone on about 4 or 5 dates and it's been great. He treats me like a queen! Ever since the day we exchanged numbers, we chat everyday. He brought me a big bouquet of flowers on our 1st date. On our 2nd date, he surprised me by buying me a beautiful bracelet which i showed him that i liked in a store that we looked in. He's always wanting to buy me stuff and making plans to take me places in the future. The last time we hung out he mentioned that he wanted to make plans to hang out on Superbowl Sunday. On tuesday, i noticed a change in his texts and he even seemed to have a slight attitude with me. Then wed, we didn't speak at all except for when he texted me a pic of something he knew would make me laugh and i replied. That was the extent of our contact. Thurs, i didn't hear from him at all and so far today i haven't heard from him again. This is very unusual since he really seemes to be so into me and we usually talk everyday. Is this just him pulling away? Should I just wait it out and see what happens? I'm so thrown for a loop.</p>

When you noticed that he had a slight attitude with you, did you say something to him about it? Like where is that coming from?  It just seems really odd that he was so into you and then flipped into not being into you.  What kinds of conversations had you two been having?  Does anyone who knows you know him, too, and could have said something untowards about you to him?

Make your own plans for tomorrow and just leave him be.  He sounds like someone who has issues.  Be glad you dodged his manic bullet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Sat, 02-02-2013 - 9:56am
Seems like I wrote to a similar situation on one of these boards yesterday - guys who start out with the intensity can't possibly maintain it, there is no way - either they are covering up for something very wrong about themselves or, as in your case, they bolt when the impulse is gone. Either way, it's not real and it will end. Lots of gifts so quickly is just a way to buy your attention, he probably only knows how to do that part of meeting someone but flees in fear before it can lead to anything real. To be on the receiving end of it can be very nice and deceiving, though.
 
So I would guess he is addicted to the chase and gets bored with, or is afraid of, anything else. Unless you said something like you did jail time for beating up your last boyfriend, his silence has nothing to do with you, he most likely is beginning to do his intensity routine with someone else right now. When he is done with that, you may hear from him again in a month or two as if there had been no gap of time and he has just been "busy with (fill in excuse)", or he may make a vague reference to some issue of his.
 
I'm a guy and have known a woman for nearly three years who has stayed my perpetual person in limbo. We connect and relate which is great, but the moment there are signs we could really date, she bails. In the meantime, I have met someone else both times that has happened, while she remains single. She is divorced and that seems to have messed her up badly.
 
Sorry this happened to you. I don't think it's worth contacting him unless you want to make him squirm a little bit to come up with a BS answer, if he responds at all. But enjoy the Super Bowl, the parties are always fun and it should be a great game.