Where's the attraction?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Where's the attraction?
3
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 8:17pm

This is so frustrating. It's been six months since my last long-term relationship ended, and I've been dating quite a bit over that time. I've dealt with so much junk - guys who don't call, those who get too busy with work, those who want a one-night stand. I finally, FINALLY met someone who's everything I could want personality-wise. He's kind, respectful, funny. We have a million common interests and similar outlooks on life. And after three dates and lots of long e-mails, I really get the feeling that he has no fear of commitment. This could be real, finally. Except...

I'm not so attracted to him. I desperately want to be. He's not my usual type - not unattractive, just not the type I'm attracted to. Normally, by the third date, I can hardly wait to get a little more physical with the guy, but I don't really have that desire with him yet. Is there any chance it'll grow? I usually go with my instincts, and if I'm not attracted to someone right away, I end it. But this guy's different. We have a great time. He's interesting, everything I thought I wanted, but yet sex and chemistry is important to me too. Has anyone ever become more attracted to someone as you got to know him better? Is there a point when I should just stop trying?

~ Stephanie

Stephanie


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 9:08pm

He is not your "type" physically or is there something specific about his looks that turns you off?

He sounds great! It's too bad you dont have that desire for him. I have dated men who, at first, didnt *wow* me physically but after getting to know them I did have very physical responses to them. But I agree, sex and chemistry are important in a relationship.

If after a month of dating or about 6 dates you dont have the desire to kiss him, then I would say that you may never have the desire. But I could be wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2007
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 12:31pm

i am going to agree that attraction and sex is very important in a relationship. it's not the be all end all, but it's vital...you don't want to snuggle with a platonic friend who is more like a brother..

as for my story, i didn't really "feel" it with my guy at first. we'll chalk it up to meeting in a bar and alcohol being involved. :) but the second time we saw each other, i felt very different!! :)

in the past, i have tried to make myself become attracted to a guy, or decided to "wait and see", but it just never happened. has he tried physical things with you? like holding your hand, or putting his arm around you, kissing. if so, what do you feel? do you feel any desire to reach out and touch him??

my point is this - i think that after three dates you don't feel it, chances are you won't. it's not fair to YOU, because you deserve everything a relationship has to offer. and it's not fair to HIM to keep letting him think it could go somewhere.

that's my take on the situation...hope it helps you!!! :) j

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 9:35am

It's only been three dates and you've been burned so much you could be afraid of getting to care about him and having it disappear as well.

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