Where's the ring?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Where's the ring?
10
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 3:44pm
My guy asked me if i could see myself spending the rest of my life with one person and other weird questions then said he got me a ring for my birthday. my birthday was 2 months ago. He hasn't even mentioned it since. Should i expect a proposal?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 4:28pm
Did he give you a ring on your birthday? If he didn't propose WHEN he gave you a ring, I wouldn't expect a proposal afterwards. He may just have given you a ring, or maybe it was a token of a next step, but not a proposal- more of a promise ring.

You may want to talk to him about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 4:36pm
He said it was an engagement ring. That was 2 months ago, i haven't seen the ring and he hasn't said anything about it? Everything has still been great between us. What do you think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 6:00pm
So he SAID he got you a ring, but 2 months after buying it he still hasn't given it to you? I don't think he bought you anything then or he's changed his mind.

Either way, you should talk to him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 6:29pm
i like you alison, you are stright to the point. But to give you a little more background, he is in the military and found out that he was relocating across the country and wasn't sure about the long distance thing. Now his departure has been delayed until January. He has asked if I would relocate with him though, if it came to that. I just don't know if he is still going to pop the question. What do you think.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 7:35pm
Well you are asking the wrong person, you need to ask him. Only he can tell you what he's thinking, right? If he wants to become more serious with you he will, but you may want to ask him what his intentions are. Don't be moving across the country without a commitment from him- in the form of an engagement- but even then.... I spent 4 years engaged to the wrong guy...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 10:35pm
I would'nt expect a proposal, I'd ask where is the ring he said he bought you for your B-day. See his response. It is possible that he spoke too soon and after hearing your answers to his weird questions he decided not to give it to you OR maybe he was playing with you to see what you thought (very inconsiderate). Anyhow, he's the only one who knows if the ring exists. Ask him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 10:43am
Really? When did you find out he was the wrong guy? How long did you date b4 he popped the question?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 11:40am
Well, here's my story...

I met a guy when I was 19. Two weeks later I moved in with him. 6 months later we get pregnant and he proposes. We lost that pregnancy, very hard on both of us. He's a heavy drinker and cannot work because he was on disability from a really bad accident 2 years before I met him. I was working at a gas station making minimum wage. He brought in half of what I made from his disability money. He was in charge of paying the rent, I took care of everything else. A year and a half goes by since we lost the first pregnancy and I get pregnant again. Carried to full term and give birth to a very big healthy boy. The night I give birth he goes out and gets drunk. Then I find out he's got a cocaine problem too. Slowly things start getting worse, and since I stayed with him he's expecting I will always put up with him. I was devastated!!! The last 3 months of our relationship I was working full time and paying for everything. He was spending the rent money on drugs and alcohol. He would take off in the middle of the night with my car and be gone for days. I would have to get my mom to watch my son and take me to work. The last weekend we were together? (2 weeks before our 5th year anniversary) he took off in my car, took both my cameras and an electronic keyboard I had and pawned the stuff and lent out my car to some lowlife who took off with it!!!

So I had spent 4 years engaged trying to hold on to things because he kept saying he needed my help to get over his addictions. I wanted to hold our family together. We never set a date for the wedding. Any time I brought it up-- he would take off for a few days because he couldn't *handle* it.

Now I know better.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 12:20pm
I'm sorryto hear that. Now I understand the strength in your words. You have put up will a lot of bull****. I have witnessed several of my friends and family go through the same stuff. Atleast you know better now. So it's not about the ring, it's about communication and a real commitment?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 1:42pm
Really, a ring means nothing if the committment isn't there. Listen to his words and pay attention to his actions. You can ask him about the ring, but don't be surprised if he says he never bought one. I think you need to find out where his head is at- does he want to be in a committed relationship with you or happy with the girlfriend thing. If he's all over the map about it, he's not ready. That's when you decide if you want to wait for him or not. There's nothing wrong with wanting more and moving on.

You had mentioned, I believe, that he was moving in a few months. Talk to him about his expectations, and don't be afraid to voice your own. If you want more of a committment, ask him for one. The worst he can say is no and then you can move on.

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