Who Makes the Moves?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Who Makes the Moves?
6
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:09am

Who Makes the Moves?



  • I never hesitate to ask a guy out
  • I try to wait for the guy, but if he doesn't take the hint I ask him
  • I never ask a guy out - men like to be the pursuer
  • What difference does it make, as long as I'm going out?


You will be able to change your vote.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:10am
There seem to be two very distinct camps of dating method for women. Camp 1 would be "The Rules" camp - never EVER make a first move. The theory being that guys enjoy the chase and us chasing them takes the fun out of it.

Camp 2 would be to go after what you want, always ask guys out if you want to etc. The theory here being you're taking control of your life.

I'm new to the dating scene and tend to lean toward camp 1 - but mainly because I tend to be shy and a bit old-fashioned!

I'm interested to hear what other fabulous ladies such as yourselves think of the whole "etiquette" deal!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 11:42am
(I'm interested to hear what other fabulous ladies such as yourselves think of the whole "etiquette" deal)

THE ENTIRE THING DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! If women simply wait for men to come to them they could end up with a real jerk. Emphasis on the word COULD! I find it empowering to ask a man out on a date - to grab a drink or a cup of coffee. If it scares that man off - well, it was not meant to be. I don't want to be with a man who is turned off by a strong woman. Blah.

For me, and everyone to their own, follwing RULES (who established those as THE RULES anyway - miss manners? - HELLO 1930s!!!!) paints a picture that every man is the same. Maybe this one is too shy to make a move, or that guy is turned off by women taking the upper hand etc. The worst thing he can say is no. Yes, it feels like crap, a punch in the gut, a slap to the face...we all get over it. Feels like rejection but I think it simply helps weed out the men you DON'T want.

It frustrates me that as women (and I"m generalizing here) we want equality, equal pay, equal opportunity, access, rights - yet we still play by the old school dating rules. why is that? Why is it that I am a non conformist because I email the guy I had a great date with last night and tell him thanks, great time and let's do it again. Ladies!!! WE HAVE TO DO SOME OF THE WORK/CHASING TOO!

A man who will only go for a woman that he can chase - will more likely than not move on once that goal is accomplished - ICK!

p.s. good etiquette = no burping or farting (unless you are watching ball and chugging brewskies) put napkin on lap, don't eat the rice with your hands piece by piece, whoever gets to the door first should open it for the other (get over the revolving door dilehma) lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 12:40pm
Although everbody's personality is different, some are shy and some are outgoing, I don't it's "fair" to let one person make the move all the time. It puts a lot of pressure on that one person. I admit, I am very shy when it comes to men and I haven't made a move on every guy that I've ever wanted to. But I have a few times. Some times it paid off and other times it didn't...but that's life, right? Besides, I've heard from several men that they love it when a woman asks a guy out, makes a move on him and takes the initiative. It's flattering to them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 1:07pm

Hello skeletonheart, welcome to the board!


Well... hmmm... I couldn't vote in the poll as I have never asked a guy out in my life! (a little guy humor there...)


Rules... good topic. The rules are mant to be YOUR rules, not necessarily for you to follow the rules of others. While you must understand that what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another. Set your own pace, do what is comfortable for you, and enjoy dating.


Keep this in mind... opportunities don't last forever. Once they are gone they are gone. By this I mean, if you see someone you are attracted to, take advantage of the opportunity. If you sit and wait, the opportunity may pass you by never to return. Don't be one of the ones who says "I wish I had..." or "If only I had..." - just do it!


Being old-fashioned is fine as long as you mean that you have values consistent with the times. But, remember, in the Victorian ages, marriages were prearranged by the families too... taking control of your own life isn't such a bad thing these days.


tg

Terry Owens
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 3:40pm
There are no rules - just your personal comfort level. Good things come to those that take positive and proactive actions. If a person does nothing how can they expect a whole bunch of things dropped at their feet for their amusement and enjoyment? Also I think that if a person makes the choice to do nothing then they give up the right to complain about it.

Do nothing + Complaining = Whining

That's an attractive combination huh ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 4:10pm
I didn't mean to suggest that the guy should "always" make the move...I'm just wondering about those first few: first phone call, first to ask on a date...that kind of thing. Some people say "if a guy is interested, he'll call. Period." I wonder how true, in general, that is.

I realize that guy is different...I was just wondering the different standpoints that some of you take, and why. I'm still trying to find mine. I think I'm going to end up in the "I'll try to wait for him but if I'm really into him then I'll ask" group!

I posted the question because I ran into this guy a couple of days ago that I talked to briefly a few times earlier this year. He didn't return my two calls to him so I didn't call him anymore. Anyhow, when I saw him I gave him my phone # again (because he asked for it) but he hasn't called (yet, I hope).

I'm debating whether I should just call him and try and figure out if he was only asking to be nice (I didn't think so at the time...but you know how our brains go into overdrive on retrospect), or wait and see if he calls. I must admit, neither are particularly appealing options.

Anyway, the whole ordeal got me to thinking about the complexities of dating......{sigh} My friends are all either attached or just entering the dating scene like myself, so the whole lot of us is clueless!!!