Who pays for dates?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
Who pays for dates?
6
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 10:39am

Who pays for dates?



  • You
  • Him
  • Her
  • Take turns
  • Share expenses equally


You will not be able to change your vote.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 12:51pm

I had to reply to this one because it is not always a clear cut decision. If I like the guy as in want to see/date him again, I expect him to pay for it all and if he expects me to pay for any, it is over before it starts haha. If I don't like him in the "dating way" I offer to pay my share as to not take advantage of someone I know I will not got out with again. If it is only a drink then he should pay no matter what, I mean it's not that much money. I am a pretty honest consciencous person so I don't know if others do what I do, many women have the guy pay all the time, like him or not.

Edited 8/13/2006 12:52 pm ET by terrilee2006




Edited 8/13/2006 1:33 pm ET by terrilee2006
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 2:19pm

I'd say in a "just dating" situation, whoever asks should pay. Though, if a guy asks, I'd at least offer to pay the tip or pay for drinks or something.

In a relationship, I'd say "take turns."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 2:30pm
I just voted take turns as a general rule but truthfully to me, it is a bit more complex than that. In the dating world today it is so common that one person has way more income than the other. I work as a freelance musician so whereas my yearly income is great, there are months where I make very little and then months where I really concertize a lot. So in dating, sometimes I have what it takes to go halfsies on a great restaurant and sometimes I am in what I call near ramen mode. :) I have always thought that someone who makes a lot more income should pick up a bit more of the burden if they are choosing to lean toward places that are kind of hefty on the price tag. Then the person on the other end can pay for drinks or the tip or the movie they go to the next afternoon or whatever makes sense.
Also, now when I have first dates( assuming they asked me) I have become accustomed to letting the guy pay for the whole evening. It was hard to let this happen at first but the fact is it shows some genuine interest on the guys part and they asked you. I think it is good for people to allow themselves to be treated every once in a while.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 12:07pm

Frankly, I feel a bit guilty if I expect him to pay. In an initial dating situation, I would rather just split right there, or take turns. But never expect that the guy should pay for it all, UNLESS he really insists, and I see that he really does want to pay for it all.

Gosh, this is always so tricky, isn't it.
:-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 4:57pm
It's very tricky. I agree. It is interesting though because I used to feel the same as you do for years. Then I think I realized how much I truly have to offer as I got older. I dont mean to say that you havent realized this for yourself but I do think this is what changed my mind about stuff. It took some getting used to , I admit, but by letting them pay for the first date that they asked for I was acknowledging the fact that I am really giving quite a bit of myself by agreeing to go out alone with a man I dont know well yet and sharing myself with him openly and honestly. I dont play games and I dont take advantage of people. I also dont say yes to most people who ask me out. So when I do, I let them pay if they seem inclined to do so. I dont insist or just sit there when the bill comes of course but if they want to pay I let them without hesitation and thank them thoroughly. On the other hand, I should put out there that if I ask a guy out on a date, I pay for it and gladly for similar reasons. granted, that doesnt happen as often but it does happen.
Then after the first date, I split things pretty strictly down the middle unless I am dating someone who is making way more income than I am and picking restaurants or activities I could not afford otherwise. I also accompany that situation with a talk about it so that everyone is on board because I like for things like this to be on the table.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 5:04pm

Dating is expensive and yes as a couple keep going out the financial expenditure should become more even. However you want to guard against getting involved with someone who is very stingy - that can speak to an emotional stinginess as well.

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