who pays dinner?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
who pays dinner?
3
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 11:42pm
I went out with a man who I met on an internet dating site, and since this was our very first personal encounter, I personally didn't consider it a "date" in the usual sense where a man asks you out for dinner after having met in the physical sense. So, I paid for my own part of the meal on this first encounter, and although he offered to pay in a wishy washy way, he didn't insist and said okay. We went somewhere else after that, I had tickets so noone paid. My question is, should I have let him pay? How do I handle our future dates? To be honest, I was a bit heartbroken when he said we could split the bill. We are both in our late 40s, both working professionals. Does a woman usually offer to pay, or does she just sit there and let him pay on dates? Perhaps he is just a cheapskate, or maybe he didn't want to appear macho, or maybe he just didn't figure it would be a good investment? What are the rules regarding "who pays" on the first few dates, if any? Thank you.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 12:37am
I personally prefer that the man pay on the first couple of dates...and I don't offer, unless I'm not interested in seeing him again (in which case I insist on paying my half). Unless you genuinely WANT to pay your half, I think offering is disingenuous...so I don't do it.

Once we've gone out a couple-three times, I will treat. And usually once I'm in a r'ship, we end up taking turns treating each other. But for the first couple dates, I want to be courted.

However, I also don't do dinner for a first meeting from the internet...meeting for coffee is my preference. You never know if you're going to really hit it off with someone from online, even if you have good chemistry online and on the phone.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 9:15am
I usually offer on the first date, but rarely do they accept. Honestly, if they accept, I assume they aren't that interested. The only time I have ever been taken up on it (that I can remember) was a lunch date, and it was 9.00 and he still happily took my money. Then I never heard from him again. :)

Generally after they pick up the dinner tab, I try to either pick up something after (like Friday we had drinks after dinner- so I paid for those at my insistence), or the movie, or something...

I don't mind contributing financially to the dating process, but the whole idea of splitting the bill, calculating who owes what, getting change, etc... I find to be a total turn off. So if he lets me split the bill, I admit it, it will cost him points.

I know that makes my offer to contribute seem disgenuine but the motivation behind it isn't, really. Which is why I always try to either pick up the tab on the second date or pay for part 2 of the evening, I just hate, hate, hate the splitting of the bill process.

What I do find interesting is why you consider this not a date. In my opinion, date, meeting, whatever.. it is all semantics. You went out to dinner with a man with potential romantic possibilities, that is a date in my book.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 12:22pm
alice 002...

Most men will offer to pay for the first meal...whether it's dinner at a 5-star restaurant or just a quick sandwich---so LET US DO IT! .

If your 'internet date' had a hesistancy to pay your meal...you should have just told him: "Since this is our 1st date together---let's go 'dutch' on this one!"

Frankly...if you had already acquired tickets to whatever event you attended afterwards,

you probably should have let the man pay for both dinners.

Pianoguy