who is she to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2006
who is she to you?
4
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 12:56am
Okay my male friend introduced me to his friend back in June. We started taking interest into each other and have been bonding pretty good ever since. he recently got out of a relationship a few months back and was with this female for about a year and some change. He told me that she tried to control him so he had to let her go. To make a long story short we really do like each other but i also know that his ex still has those feelings for him. I asked him if he was still in love with her and he says he has love for her but he is not in love with her and there is a difference. I believe him when he tells me this. I'm sure you all have heard of myspace...well he asked me to set up his page to make it look nice so i got access to his username and password...while im setting up his page his ex girl sends him a note...I'm not going to lie i am nosey! so i read it and she says "hey i just want to tell you that i will always love you even if we are together or apart" I'm like o geesh what am i going to do? *sigh* I think the reason i am buggin is because i don't know if he would turn around and go back to her even though we have jus started liking each other and really establishing a real friendship so far. And i'm not going to lie i can be a jealous person and get intimadated by a female that i know is around. So far i am handling the situation just fine because i'm not the type to repeatdely ask him about his ex and their relationship i feel he can take it upon himself to tell me....But yup i am just really unsure about what to do about her...Or maybe there is really nothing i can do ya know? I mean she was here before me....
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 7:47am

Myspace is all the rage, but I am sure it is the undoing of a lot of people.

If this lady is still in this man's life, he's still talking to her, taking her phone calls, having deep conversations....then he is still involved with her. You have to wait for people to be completely free of their exes before taking them on in a relationship. Otherwise there will be three people in a relationship, not 2.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 10:08am

What is your gut telling you? My bet that some bells are going off for you since if they weren't, you wouldn't be posting...


So what is your vibe saying?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2006
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 12:21pm
I can say for the most part that in my past relationships Once i start to give my all to someone it goes downhill from there and i wind up getting cheated on and played out. So with that being said i still have a slight trust issue with dudes. And i used to question myself like why do i always attract these younger guys for one and why am i always being played the fool. So now i decided to change my way of thinking which is being more positive and forgetting my past relationships which some has left me scarred i have been trying to heal those scars. Anyway once i meet this new guy he is not like the other guys i used to encounter he is nice,polite, he has a sense of humor and so on...But still i can't help it but my old feelings of hurt and jealousy may arise from time to time and i may second guess him and what he's truly doing. I'm trying to trust him and what he's all about but its so hard for me. So what is my gut telling me? My gut tells me that he's still talking to her and this i know for a fact...what their saying to each other during these phone conversations...who knows. Is he still in love with her?? no he says, he says he has love for her but isn't in love and there is a difference....I'm just worried about the chick too...I went to his page yesterday and she leaves a comment saying " Hey baby just wanted to stop by and tell you i love you" And i just went by his page earlier today... a couple mintues before i started posting here and her comment is gone...Now mind you i already saw the comment but i am wondering what made him delete her comment though... I truly believe that girl is still in love with him or whatever the situation is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 12:35pm

Is this suspicion something you could learn to deal with? Has he talked to her and told her to stop contacting him?


He may be inviting the contact and if he is, you'll have to decide what to do based on that...