Why am I so reluctant?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Why am I so reluctant?
1
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 10:12am

We work together.....met 6 years ago while we sat next to each other. I was going through some health issues that has left me with a balance coordination issue and I use a cane. I am 48 and he is 28. At first we got along great but never fathomed that there was any romantic involvement between us. We actually have played matchmaker with each other....in 2005 I introduced him to my niece at a party and she wasn't interested but apparently my family and friends at this party noticed that it appeared that he and I liked each other. I did find myself jealous as I introduced to my niece and that surprised me a bit. He had an on again off again girlfriend who we use to work with and he eventually went back to her. He then in December 2005 fixed me up with a co-worker that he knew that I had a crush on (he was my crush's boss at the time) and for the past year and 1/2 my crush and I have been taking it slow towards what I had hoped for was a future. Unfortnately, that didn't happen and in May we ended the romantic part of our relationship and remain close co-workers.

Now July 2007 we find ourselves both single again and pursuing each other. We have done this dance many times and we just keep coming back to it after seeing other people etc. There is little doubt of our feelings as we have discussed this at length and yesterday we talked a bit and decided that after he returns from a business trip in India in September we will pursue this to see if there is anything outside of the friendship and sexual tension that lies between us. I adore him and I can see myself with him for a long time. BUT.......I am old, overweight and partially disabled and what he sees in me is a mystery. I have a strong self esteem and this isn't about my feeling insecure about me it's about the fact that he is 28 years old and at the point in his life that he should be thinking and marriage and children and he is willing to explore a relationship with a woman who is limited to those things....marriage yes....children NO.

How do I relax and let this happen naturally without fretting over what he will be missing out on if we get together? Now I have been told it's his choice to make but will he make the wrong choice and regret it as he gets older? I know there is little guarantees in life and I am told that what if he regrets it if we didn't try?

We are amazing together...I just have a hard time envisioning myself going home to meet his mother. My family loves him to death and they have no idea that we are contemplating more than just the friendship they are aware of. A few of my family know and are thrilled.

Is he the one I have been waiting for all my life and I just had to wait till he grew up???? *wink wink*

Thomasina

p.s. I posted on May-December board but was vertually ignored.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 6:19pm

I don't know what to say to make your feel better about your situation. I'm 45 and I cant envision dating a 28 year old. The fact that you both have had these emotions for 6 years is significant and is not a passing fancy. Passing fancies don't last this long - it would have faded within a year for sure. Young men like to take chances even if it means they have regrets later. If you both decide that it's a "go" - then the worst thing you can do is focus on what he could possibly be missing out on because that will dampen the excitement of dating and sour the relationship.

Your family may be more understanding than his and you might get a little *wink* from people. His family may question his choice. Maybe he doesn't want kids, so your physical situation is not a problem to him.

"BUT.......I am old, overweight and partially disabled and what he sees in me is a mystery"---> I can understand your feelings. I have been through a horrible experience and while I dont' think bad about myself, I can understand why someone wouldn't want to be part of my life because of what happened to me.

"Is he the one I have been waiting for all my life and I just had to wait till he grew up???? *wink wink*"----> wouldn't it be nice if that were so...*sigh*

Good luck.