Why am I so unlucky?
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| Sun, 10-01-2006 - 9:04pm |
For the past 3 years since my ex left me, Ive been having the worst luck with dating. I admit that before I was pretty agressive with men and being bold enough to ask for their number or a hangout date, but they just werent interested in me. Afterwards I listened to the advice of my friends to just lay back and let the guys come to me.
Yes, I do have men approach me and ask me out. With the ones who seem nice, I try em out with 1 date, but feel absolutely no feelings of attraction physically or mentally. And even with the men who approach me that I am actually interested in, (who are usually men with tall, broad shoulders, who have great social abilities, is confident, smart, well rounded, agressive, and persistant type, but are not arrogant or cocky, and who i feel confortable with)... are only interested in getting me into bed, these guys usually stick around for 1-3 romantic dates and disappear on me whether or not sex had taken place.
I dont understand why it is so difficult to find a man who I can trust my feelings to, who wont only want me for one thing, I am a friendly, confident and very ambitious woman who you can have an intellectual conversation with.. why don't men like this?
Is it something about me that is attracting these type of guys, is it something I can do to attract the guys I like who would be interested in persuing a real relationship with me? How come I dont have feelings for nice guys (which are usually not agressive) or my friends who I know won't screw me over? Are my standards too high?

IMHO, you seem to be presenting yourself as desperate to find a man for yourself. That attitude reflects and projects in men. That may be why you attract men who are into sex and nothing more. Men who are interested in, but that in time sense that you're desperate to find a man and keep him at any cost. I wonder why you say you're not into nice guys, who aren't aggressive. What's wrong with them?
Since what you're doing is not working, why not make a list of things you're looking for in a man and out of a relationship? By things in man I mean inner qualities. Then make a list of how you pursue a man who interests you. Are you aggressive? How are you presenting yourself? Another thing that you could try is to look for places where you culd find men who are into the same interests as yours, such as golfing or sports if you're into that.
hopefulnclueless..
Pianoguy thinks there are probably SEVERAL ANSWERS to your question? But in order to give other ivillagers a chance to comment...he'll submit only 3:
1. It's entirely possible that "nice guys" bore you? If you've been banged around or abused in the past...that's the treatment you're accustomed to! So anybody who "treats you like a lady" (quoting an old pop tune from the 70s here) isn't going to have much of a chance when it comes to connecting with you?
2. The way you dress, your attitude, and YOUR LOOK might give men the impression that the only thing you're good for is a "roll in the hay?" Of course...you've got much more going for yourself than a one-night stand....so perhaps you need to steer clear of the bedroom-types and meet men on "neutral ground?"
3. I can't comment on your standards...BUT...if you have a tendency to do a lot of "comparison shopping" between past and present suitors...YOU'LL PROBABLY FAIL AT MOST NEW RELATIONSHIPS! One of the major mistakes women make (with the male sex) is trying to compare one with the other. Not only is this NOT FAIR to somebody new, but you're expecting "a standard" that we may or may not with to adhere to?
And as a result...we'll DUMP YOU and find another woman who will like us FOR WHO WE ARE!
Pianoguy