Why are men hard to read....please help!
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Why are men hard to read....please help!
| Sun, 12-25-2005 - 4:08pm |
I have been dating this guy for almost 6 months. We get along great and he calls me everyday even if it is only to say "hi" Only problem is that he is my ex husbands childhood best friend. Early on in the relationship he used to tell me that he cared about me and even uttered the words "I love you".....but then one night fighting with my ex i spilled the beans about me and his best friend. After that he (the boyfriend) told me he couldn't talk to me for awhile. I spent a month without talking to him.....he wouldn't return my calls or anything. Then one day we did start talking again....talking turned into more talking and in about a week we were back to normal. But now things are a little different....he is scared I am going to tell my ex again.....I am so frustrated. He has hinted toward that fact that he still feels the same but he just won't commit to it anymore. Right now he is roommates with one of his other childhood friends that promises he will be kicked out if he continues to see me (they were all childhood friends together).....so for now I am just one big secret. Oh yeah one more complicaton.....he's in college about 2 1/2 hours away so I only get to see him during breaks or when I go up to see him.....which doesn't help this distance feeling. When I ask him how he feels he tells me that for now he wants to keep everything at a "frineds w/ benefits" level since it was too hard for me when we took it too far last time......he seems to think that this will make me feel at ease for now and keep me from telling anyone???????? When I ask about the future he tells me that once he's done with college and he has moved out of his friends house that things will be more boyfriend/girlfriend like. I just can't figure out if he's using me or if he really cares.....He always tells me that I'm the "hottest" girl he has ever been with and when we talk on the phone (everyday) he always has to say goodbye and then wait for me to hang up....lol....if I don't hang up he'll just say something silly and then finally after 3 goodbyes we'll hang up. I guess I just don't get it and I feel like I'm being sent mixed signals......please help!!!!!

<< When I ask him how he feels he tells me that for now he wants to keep everything at a "frineds w/ benefits" level since it was too hard for me when we took it too far last time......he seems to think that this will make me feel at ease for now and keep me from telling anyone???????? >>
a) define what it is that you want from a relationship. Not just this relationship, but a relationship, in general. When you know what YOU want, accepting less will cease to exist.
Do you want to be in a relationship where you have to remain "secret"? Do you want a relationship with physical distance? Do you want a FWB and nothing more? If not, then you accept that this relationship isn't going to provide you with what you consider to be a fulfilling relationship.
As for him being hard to read ... he's said that he wants is a FWB. If you can take that at face value, and if that isn't what you want, then you move on. It's not so much that he's "hard to read" ... after all, he's told you what he wants ... it's just that what he wants and what you want are not the same thing and that you're reading into his "I'm the "hottest" girl he has ever been with" and that you talk everday ... as an indication of interest beyond "just sex" ... which isn't an indication that he wants anything more than sex and someone to talk to and have a good time with.
jmt91277...
Pianoguy isn't gonna lecture you on "dating a friend of an EX!" Because you knew that as long as there was communication between the 2 guys, the issue of YOU BOTH AS A COUPLE would eventually come out?
If you're not comfortable with the FWB concept....distance yourself from this man for a few months. Offer no communication or encouragement towards him!
This way...your silence will provide you with one of 2 answers:
1. The current b/f WILL MAKE MORE OF AN EFFORT to take your relationship up a notch or two....
OR
2. He'll dump you faster than this year's Christmas tree! And you'll have the joy of finding a new b/f in 2006!
Either way...you'll know EXACTLY how you fit into his life....assuming that you do?
Pianoguy