why are they this way??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
why are they this way??
27
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 12:29pm
Any insight into this would be very helpful. I would really like to understand how and why playboys are the way they are. I attract them for some reason and they are not bad guys...just have a twisted way of looking at things. Do they really honestly like being that way with nothing real ever?? It would be interesting to understand they psychology behind them. Please don't tell me that this is just the dating world these days?! I haven't dated, well, for a very long time. I am coming out of a long marriage and the dating world scared me to death needless to say. Also, what could it be about me that attracts these types??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 6:04pm

No Sheri...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 8:22pm
I personally don't see Sheri as being pessimistic about finding a relationship. I see her being realistic about her perception of one and its critical value and importance to her.

Some people are cut out for "serial monogamy"...other people aren't. Some people love dating and not committing - and other people wouldn't date and only commit.

I think Sheri is just putting it in perspective for herself so that she remains positive about herself and her life. Imperative that we all do.....by our own definitions and standards we all need to have a 'great life'. Single, attached, committed, or without a partner by choice.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 8:34pm
Jilly, thanks, but I really don't think I'm being pessimistic, just realistic. Things with the LDR guy are crashing and burning because he's been less than honest and open with me (it's all posted in gory detail on Guy Talk), and I can't be with someone like that. Given my dating experiences over the last 7 years, I just don't have a lot of hope that there are very many men of the quality and caliber I'm looking for, who are also interested in me, and I just can't see compromising or settling on the issue of integrity. I'm willing to compromise on a LOT but not that.

I keep getting out there and trying because I'm fundamentally an optimist...but I recognize that there are a lot of wonderful women in my age group who are single, and not a lot of wonderful men. I'm not giving up, by any means, but I am also doing my best to prepare myself for the chance that I will be single indefinitely.

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 8:35pm
Exactly!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 8:48pm
I'm not sure why realistic is considered pessimistic when it comes to relationships and potential of them, etc.

Because realistic is considered optimistic in other realms and venues.

I will say that for a long time I had a male friend of mine that screamed "demographics and location are my problem". I totally blew hiim off as being incorrect.

But, after looking at his life, where he's at....and then looking at my life and whre I'm at....I saw a correlation that I didn't before.

If you live in a small city or town....you are not likely to meet many people that you don't know on a professional basis, or on a personal basis - on a regular basis (enough "basis" for you there - LOL)

That is going to detract from the dating pool in your age group. If you live in a location that is primarily youth oriented such as a university or college town - you're also running on that smaller margin percentage. And there are other legitimate reasons for not being 'able" to meet someone.

I wouldn't use them as an excuse...but finally after really looking at his life, knowing him well - I do have to admit that when he relocated when his practice permitted it - he immediately met more women that were culturally his style, and who shared his tastes and interests. where he was before......nnow that I really honestly admmit it - there was just about NO WAY he was ever going to find even one woman that met his standards or shared his interests or goals. And...that was due to his profession...which he wouldn't have changed and didn't change...but it took several years of him restructuring his practice and expanding his business to be able to live in a more culturally diverse, more expanded interest base of friends - male and female. He was getting desperate - he was willing to import women that shared his standards and tastes - he had the option and ability to do it....that just wasn't appealing to them because where he was - what they did was not able to be pursued as a rule.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 6:09pm

That's EXACTLY what I was saying, Erin.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 6:24pm
I know you said you're bowing out ;-), but I just want to make one more point. I think it is compatible with being optimistic to say, "I'm going to do my best, take these steps, etc and hope that I meet someone, because being in a r'ship is important to me", but ALSO say, "but if I don't, because to a some extent it's out of my control, then I'm also going to take steps to ensure that I am happy whether I meet someone or not". And that what I'm trying to do.

Sheri

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