Why can't I do the right thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
Why can't I do the right thing?
3
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 11:59am
I met a guy over the weekend, I'll call him Pete. We really had a connection; I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time. He and his friend stayed at my place. We were all hanging out, and when Pete left the room, his friend told me that he has a serious girlfriend. I confronted Pete, and he admitted it. It didn't stop him from kissing me. He and his friend slept on the floor of my living room, and when I came down the next morning they were gone. I just took it for what it was worth and figured I'd never see them again, even though I really hoped he would call me. I have been dating a lot of guys, and almost every time, I'm ambivelent about them calling me. Well, he called me that night to thank me for such a good time. Anyway, we've talked on the phone and text-messaged a couple times over the past couple days. I know it's wrong, but I want to see him again. And I know if I were to start seeing him, it would all be doomed. I just can't get him out of my head! What's wrong with me...and more important, what's his problem?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 12:10pm
He hasn't got a problem......he wants action on the side, you're wiling to facilitate him by being "done" instead of "dated"...he gets to have the benefits of his alliance with his girlfriend, and extra adoration and sex on the side with you - if you agree.

There's nothing technically "wrong" with him...he wants what he wants and he seeks what he wants from people that will give him what he wants.

It's that you, if you do - not saying you do, think that his calling you, agreeing to hang out and hook up - would be dating, or have him leaving his girlfriend.

You'd be the "extra sex" he wants, the adoration without obligation he desires -buthe wouldn't be someone that he bothers to get to know on a personal level. He doesn't want commitment, communication, obligation nd requirement to two women...he has that iwth one woman and he doesn't live up to it by the conventional standard. He just wants "action" - fun, sex, companionship - on his terms - with you - if you're willing.

I'm williing to bet that his disclosure of the girlfriend, you being willing to kiss anyway - said to him 'I'm willing to be utilized as a sex object if you want more sex" - so if he calls back -t hat is all he's wanting. He knows that you know he can't date you publicly, contact you frequently, or emotionally involve himself in you -he can just "have sex whenever the opportunity presents itself." You know it - he knows it - so if he contacts you again it's just "opportunity to get laid" knocking or ringing.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 12:33pm
Any guy who's willing to cheat on his girlfriend isn't a guy worth knowing. So if he ditched his gf for you, wouldn't you be worried that you would be ditched when he found someone else? If he can kiss you while still having a gf, he doesn't have any values. My motto is end one thing before starting another.

If you allow this guy to come over and call you and text you, you are just telling him that you are available to be used and walked all over. If you seriously value YOURSELF you'll quit taking his calls, and delete the texts when you get them. You deserve a guy who ONLY wants you. You deserve a guy who won't cheat on you or his gf. You're only stuck on this guy because he's giving you attention. You may not have had any attention from a guy for a while, so in your head some is better than none. But you will be hurt more by allowing this to continue.

Don't settle for second best.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 12:57pm
oh my goodness i cant believe you and i are going through the same thing!!!!! well not exactly ......i met this guy 2 months ago and weve been talking to each other on the phone (always the cell phone should have been a hint) and he has came over and we made out once. so this past weekend i invited him to a party and he came . well he did not know that the cousin of his present girlfriend who is 5 months pregnant (something he neglected to tell me in the beginning of all this) would be there. small world isnt it???? well anyhoo the reason how i found out is that the cousin is real good friends with my niece and she told me. and immediatley i was like WHOA!!!!! i just found out yesterday and when he called me i let him know that its not that type of "party" with me and you should do the same. trust me i know how you feel about having a "connection" and trust me..... its not a connection, its your hormones . if you honestly feel like you can handle "getting busy" with someone elses man then so be it. be aware that you are getting sloppy seconds. all i know is that i felt bad that i kissed this creep and there is a pregnant girl out there thinking everything is honky dory. in a previous relationship, my boyfirend cheated on me with someone who knew ALL about me and did not care. and after i beat her @ss for disrespecting me like that i vowed never to put that type of pain on nobody else...meaning i would never date somone who i know is "preoccupied". if you have any respect for yourself you would do the same. your better than that. and someone else will come along who willing to give all of themselves :)