Why can't I make the pain go away?
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| Sat, 01-28-2006 - 7:12pm |
i'm sorry if this is too long for some of you readers but i really need advice on this, it's affecting me life
i dated this guy off an on for almost a year. at 1st he was sweet but then he turned bitter. he did not know how to prioritize his schedule and was always too busy with school to talk. during that school time (2 months) he would speak to me once every 2 weeks (mind you, i had the same amt of school work). everytime i asked him if he wanted to do something, he couldn't, he'd be tired, or busy or on his way out but when sex with the offer, he'd have time. i would be the one to suggest all of our events together and i even suggested that we go out one day for coffee then have sex and he insisted to bring the coffee over instead of going out with me. one day for the 1st time, he asked me if i wanted to go for coffee and i was soooo busy that i turned him down but promised we could do it the following week. he went crazy on me and called me a hypocrite and other names. he told me he liked me and wanted us to be in a relationship but to me, that cannot be like. he (or someone else) must have told him that he was the Alpha Male. he would preach about how he went to the best university in Ontario (not) and worked at the best job (he was a part time teller at a bank) to try to belittle me.
i felt like i had to walk on egg shells when talkking to him. he had a short fuse and would blow things out of proportion. he always needed to be right. he would never call me, we would only talk via messenger or phone texts i.e he would hide behind his text msgs or msn messages and when i called to talk to him, he told me that he was busy and would be online to talk soon. i told him to call me several times and he would just wait until he would find a computer to msg me. the only time i saw him was for sex. i once told him that i'm putting sex off and he pretty much ignored me. i gave in to sex so that i would be able to see him and be with him. he would argue everything and once he took his anger from his day out on me (called me names). one day he told me we'd go to the movies next week and when that time came, he totally ignored me so i cut him out of my life for 3 weeks, he then started to text msg me things like "thanks for ignoring me" and "thanks for blocking me during the holidays" so i suggested we talk about "us" he said no, so i told him to leave me alone. he then told me that he was dating someone else now (mind you, i didn't ask and the way he said that was much like the way he would say false things to make me upset) i told him i didn't care, he shouldn't try to contact me anyone and leave me the f*** alone. that was the last conversaton i had with him.
to this day, i think about him and i have so much anger and rage and hatred towards him. part of me wants to find out where he lives and kick his ass brutally, a huge part of me wants to e-mail him and tell him all the cruel things he did to me to show him that he is a jerk and was a jerk to me and another part of me wants to not even bother with the 2 ideas because a)i need to move on and b) if he really didn't like me, i'll look like a fool sending him a message and he might want to have the last say and might say something like "you're psycho, don't try to talk to me etc". what should i do?
i'm really hurting and i want to heal but i don't know how. i must think about the times that were good with him (selective thinking)daily and wonder why he was such a jerk to me? i don't know what i did to deserve him to treat me that way. i have never been so hurt in my life, i cry out of pain when i think about the way he treated me (i'm crying as i'm writing this) and stupid me when we were together tried to make things okay with us while he was abusing me. almost like i was at the wrong place at the wrong time and became a victim to someone's need to abuse a female to maybe vent his anger about his gf that cheated on him 1 1/2 years ago. only the devil himself could treat someone like that.
please give me advice
nkyerema

You are probably feeling that you invested all this time in a guy and treated him well, while he was self centered and wanted a relationship on his terms. He is now telling you he has a "good" relationship, so you are probably thinking, "why couldn't have he been good to me the way he's being good to this other woman?" Well the thing is, he is NOT being good to this other woman. She is probably going through the same crap that you've been through. He is the same old smuck he's always been. He wants sex with no commitment. He doesn't even want to pay for a date! He wanted you to pick up the coffee, pay for it, bring to him and then have sex. He never wanted to lift a finger and he will never want to lift a finger to contribute to a relationship.
Unfortunately, there are many guys like that out there, and you just happened to stumble upon one. You did nothing to deserve this ill treatment, but there is no reason to find him and kick his arse! Because one day, he'll wake up and be one lonely shmuck! All you can do is feel sorry for him.
I hope you're not sitting around waiting for this guy to change his ways. You'll be waiting a loooong time. He already proved himself unworthy to be your bf, so now it's time to move on to someone who is worthy. Remember that if your anger towards him prevents you from forming a healthy relationship with a guy who's worthy, then he is winning. He's off having a good time with some other woman that he will soon hurt, and he's not caring about the people he's already hurt. So don't let him win. Put your focus on a NICE guy!